Heavy Water
by Baka-Kakarott
Summary: Goku struggles with who he is and Vegeta was assigned to figure it out. Unexpected events that took place in the past trouble Goku and Vegeta both. PTSD sets in years after the fight with Buu. MalexMale Yaoi Rated M for later. Setting/Time period: Few years after Buu. Goten would be 18 and Trunks 19. Enjoy :)
1. Expression

**N/A** I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this one. I wanted to write a longer story this time so I guess we'll see where it ends up. Sorry it took me so long. I write these on my school computer and we just go back from a long weekend. Hope you enjoy peace out :3

* * *

It was another beautiful day in Mount Paozu. The sun shined through the green leaves as Goku walked along the path. The path was an old ATV trail. The road was wore in on the sides and thick lush grass filled the center. The various woodland animals roamed. Squirrels chased each other about. Birds sang, and small bugs swarmed around Goku's head. The rabbits chased each other around a tree then sprinted across the path. _Nature truly is beautiful._ Goku thought. A gentle breeze swept through the forest floor. He was close to his destination. The trees parted into a large open area. The field was bare except for a large pond towards the back. He walked the rest of the short distance to the pond. Quickly, he removed his clothing and jumped it. The water was cool to the touch and engulfed him. He opened his eyes and watched schools of fish swim past him in a haste. He swam deeper into the water. Without much strength, he reached the bottom. Letting all of his air out, he sunk to the bottom and laid flat on the floor.

He watched the bubbles of air float to surface. His lungs started to spasm from the lack of oxygen. He closed his eyes and let the water fill him. Just as he was about to reach tranquility, he felt something disturb the water. Within seconds, a hand wrapped around his left bicep, pulling him up. He wanted to fight. To let himself become a victim of the watery abyss. Whoever was pulling him up, sure had difficulty pulling all of his weight. He tried to find his arms to stop this mystery rescuer. He felt himself break the surface of the water along with mystery man.

He was thrown on the ground, hard. He felt the overwhelming heat of the sun beat on his face and limbs. A pair of hands wrapped around his shoulders and shook him violently.

"Wake the fuck up Kakarott!" The voice sounded like Vegeta's. He _was_ the only one who called him _Kakarott_.

He was unable to locate his eyes. Or his lips. Or anything for that matter. He was numb. He felt the hands fold up on the center of his chest and press down rapidly. He heard who sounded like Vegeta count to thirty. Then, he felt Vegeta's lips meet his and air was pushed into his lungs.

Goku sat up and coughed. The water drained from his mouth and out his nose. He breathed heavily as his vision came back. There, was Vegeta, sitting indian style in front of him.

"Vegeta?" He asked. In case his eyes were playing tricks on him.

"Just what the hell did you think you were doing?" His voice was sharp.

He sat and stared. "I was swimming." He said finally.

He grunted. "If you call that swimming." He stood and brushed himself off.

"What are you doing here anyway?" Goku plucked the grass from the ground as he spoke.

"I felt your ki dying off. What exactly were you thinking?" Vegeta folded his arms over his chest.

"I don't know..." He scratched the back of his head. "I was swimming because it was so hot out and I just let the air out." He confided.

"The only way you're allowed to die Kakarott, is if it's by **my** hands. Understand that?" He regarded him from the corner of his eye.

"I wasn't trying to die Vegeta."

"Sure." Vegeta turned so his back was to Goku. "I want to spar. Let me know when you're well enough." He turned to walk away.

"Yanno, Vegeta, you could've just held me under. Then you would've killed me." Goku stared at Vegeta.

Vegeta hesitated, then turned back around. "I want to kill you by beating you to a pulp. Showing my strength. Not holding you under water." He turned on his heal and blasted off into the clear blue sky.

Goku fell back into the grass and sighed. Honestly, he didn't know what he was doing. At first he did just want to swim. It was hot out and he wanted to be cool. Then he just wanted to lay down and let the air out. In that moment he wanted to melt away.

But now he was wide awake. The thought that had crossed his mind in the water scared him. What was he thinking? He held his head in his hands. The whole thing just confused him. Vegeta, of all people, came to save him. He was almost certain that one of his sons would've saved him. But no. Vegeta, the man who hated him more than anything, saved him. A member of his own race, but not family. Vegeta wasn't even anywhere near him. He kept tabs on Vegeta's ki. Vegeta had been clear in west capital. It would've taken him nearly two hours to reach him. That morning, he hadn't bothered to check Vegeta's ki. Perhaps Vegeta was close. That was the only rational explanation.

He sat up brushed the torn grass from his lap. It was peaceful. Birds chirped in the distance. Fish jumped from the pond and landed with a splash. He envied the fish. So blissful and free. Swimming and not worrying about sentimental things. Only worried about survival. He wasn't sure exactly when he started to think that way. Once he started he couldn't stop. It wasn't like his life was miserable. He had a wife and children. Great friends and a strong as hell sparring partner. He lived in one of the most beautiful parts of the world. Anyone else would kill for the plot of land he owned. However, lately, the things he once took pride in, no longer mattered. Of course his family still meant everything to him, but everything else just seemed like background noise. Once prideful accomplishments were now just essentials for life. Land, a house, food, working, and money just seemed pointless.

What exactly was he to do? He'd never really thought deeply about anything. He never really thought. He just did what felt was right. Now, it seemed like everything had to have a meaning. If it didn't, it was considered malarkey in his mind. What was so different? Even Chichi asked him if he was okay every day. He honestly didn't see what was different except for the fact that he didn't always have a smile plastered on his face. Maybe he was going through a mid-life-crisis. _Yeah, maybe that's it._ What other explanation was there?

Mid-life-crisis couldn't be it either. He wasn't old enough to have one. Any other human would be, but he wasn't human. His life span was different. He wouldn't reach his age peak for another 20 years or more. At least, that's what Vegeta had told him. He's outlive most of his friends and family. _Maybe 20 wasn't right… more like 50 or more…_ He couldn't remember correctly.

According to Vegeta, saiyans had a longer life span because they needed to stick around to defend their homes. Also to make sure their children grow up correctly and learn the proper ways of fighting. Saiyan children didn't have 'school'. They learned from their family. Passed down from generation to generation. Language and fighting styles. They didn't need to learn to read or write. They didn't need to learn math or science. The only thing their lives revolved around was fighting and defending their honor. Of course when Vegeta decided to stay, he learned to read and write. Particularly for the purpose of being able to walk around a town and not look like an illiterate dolt. After he'd gotten the hang of it, he seemed to be talented in it. The second Goku had said anything about it, he stopped and trained more.

Originally, Goku had thought that after Buu, Vegeta and he had become some sort of friends. An uneasy friendship in the least, but Goku wasn't one to complain. Ever since Vegeta had stayed, Goku wanted to know of his heritage. To learn more about his bludgeoned race. He knew there were a lot more things he didn't know. Vegeta had never gone into detail. He claimed that Goku didn't need to know any more. It wasn't imperative to his survival. Goku felt it was and when he said that, Vegeta snapped and said he couldn't stand to be around Goku any longer. He'd walked away angrily mumbling insults to himself.

The only sign that Vegeta had begun to mellow over the years, was that he didn't insult Goku as often. However, his vendetta against Goku was still fully intact. Each year it seemed like he'd get angrier. Each sparing session was stronger and driven by anger. Vegeta was fueled by his rage. Just like all the other sessions, he'd lose and go home butt hurt, only to return a week later and do the same dance again.

Then it hit him, Goku was the last remaining saiyan. Perhaps it was in The Prince's DNA to protect the last of his race. Even if Goku wasn't the perfect saiyan that Vegeta wanted. His blood was still full saiyan. He was still part of the dying race.

Although Vegeta would never admit, he and Goku were friends. Goku knew that Vegeta wouldn't kill him. By Vegeta not letting him drown, he had proved that. So what was the next step? Should Goku try and make better friends with him? Attempt to make amends with the last remaining full blooded saiyan who knew everything about their home?

As Goku got older and older, the yearning to know about his race's history only nagged at him more. He wanted to know everything and anything. He wanted everything Vegeta had to offer. Every gruesome detail. Whatever those may be. The idea of picking Vegeta's brain bothered him a little. He knew that if he even brought up the topic to The Prince, Vegeta would chew his head off. Insult him beyond what was needed. He wished there was someone else he could ask. Even King Ki didn't know everything about they're way of living. There was nobody except Vegeta. Goku knew what had to be done but he was apprehensive. He really wasn't in the mood for numerous insults.

Goku stood and brushed the remained of grass and dirt from his gi. He followed the same path he took upon arriving in the small clearing. The walk home was just a beautiful. Goku was way too distracted by his thoughts to admire the beauty again. He walked through the front door of his home and plopped down at the table. Chichi was cleaning off the table and putting away leftovers. As always.

"Hello Goku. Did you enjoy your walk?" Chichi asked as she removed a plate from him.

"It was nice. It's a beautiful day today." He kept his gaze on the table.

"Mh, so it is. Perhaps we could have a picnic today. Gohan and Videl were planning on visiting today. It would be nice to have the family sit down for a nice meal." She slipped the plates into the dirty dish water.

"Good luck getting Goten over here."

"He'll listen to his mother." She sounded certain.

"I don't know. He'll probably ask to bring Trunks." Goku ran his hands over the smooth table top.

"That'll be fine. He's over so much he might as well be a part of the family." She finished cleaning a dish and walked to the phone. "I'll call Videl and see what they think."

Goku loved his family, but he really didn't feel like being surrounded. Chichi was always trying to get Goku to participate in family gatherings. Honestly, he felt like training them brought them closer rather than sitting and bullshitting over stupid stuff. The children seemed to need both. The physical training and the random talking. Perhaps it was because they were half-breeds.

He sat up from his chair. "You go and enjoy the picnic. I'm going to spar with Vegeta."

She slammed the phone back into its holder. She nearly broke the wall. "Goddamit Goku!" she screamed. "Why can't you spend time with your family?! You never want to sit down with us all and enjoy talking!" She stomped up to him and planted her fists firmly on her hips.

"Chichi, I'm just not feeling well enough to be around a bunch of people." He pleaded.

"A bunch of people? For Christ's sake Goku, they're you family!" Her face was turning red.

"I'll make up for it. I promise. I already made plans with Vegeta to spar today."

She folded her arms over her chest and regarded his from the corner of her eye. "Whatever. Go. Have your spar. Abandon your family for that monkey mongrel."

"Hey! Watch your mouth! That wasn't very nice. Vegeta has done nothing wrong to you!" Goku's anger was rising.

"Why? You always leave me for him! Leave your family! He's not even related to you and you choose him over me?!" Her eyes were welling up.

Goku's eyes widened. She was jealous of Vegeta. It wasn't about his family or his sons. It was about his sparring with Vegeta all the time. She was jealous of the time he and Vegeta spent together. "You're jealous!" He spoke in astonishment.

"That's utter hogwash! I am not." Her face burnt bright with anger.

He couldn't help but laugh. His wife was jealous of another man hanging out with her husband. She should be happy. At least Vegeta wasn't trying to kill them all again.

"I'll slap that grin right off your face Goku!" She was so cute when she was angry.

He pulled her into an embrace. Still giggling he kissed her lips gently as she tried to fight her way out. "You're so cute when you're upset!" He smiled shyly.

She fell lip in his arms and blushed lightly. "Fine. Go. But you're making it up to me tonight." She looked at him with a devious smile.

"Fine by me, babe." With that he pressed his fingers to his head and disappeared.

Goku left himself into Capsule Corp. He was always welcome. Every little cubical was occupied by one person. Phones rang off the hook. Goku strode past them. Upstairs was where he'd find Bulma and Vegeta. In their 'home'. Chichi had tried to tell Bulma that living in the building wasn't a home. Of course Bulma didn't listen. Goku smiled. She had always been stubborn.

He rode the elevator up the second floor. When he arrived, Bulma was sitting at the kitchen table thumbing through a newspaper. She turned her head to look at Goku. Her face lit up as she stood and ran up to him, wrapping him in her arms.

"Goku! To what do I own this pleasure?" She gazed up at him.

"lookin' for Vegeta. You wouldn't happen to know where he is would you?"

She seemed to think for a second. "I think he's in the Gravity Room. Not sure though." She walked back to the table. "You two sure do spend a lot of time together now a days." She seemed like she was implying something.

"We're just sparring. He's pretty demanding." Goku said as he scratched the back of his head.

"True." She agreed.

Goku nodded and continued to look for Vegeta. He walked back the familiar hallway. He should've known that Vegeta would be in the Gravity Room. That's where he always was.

Goku knocked lightly on the door and it immediately opened. Vegeta stood in front of him with a towel wrapped around his neck.

"You… ahhh… Still want to spar?" Goku slurred his words a little. He'd never really seen Vegeta like this. He was dripping sweat. His body was the definition of perfection. Other than the scars that covered it. _On the other hand, those scars actually compliment his body_.. Goku was mesmerised. It wasn't often he had the chance to look at Vegeta with only shorts on. The Prince always wore his usual fighting spandex. Nothing else.

"I thought I sensed your ki. Feeling better from this morning?" Vegeta walked passed him and up the hall.

"I was fine to start with. Not like you care." Goku shrugged.

"You almost drowned and I had to knock the water out of your lungs. You weren't breathing." He frowned. "You're right. I don't care." He wiped his face off with his towel. "I was just trying to fill the silence." He looked at Goku strangely.

"Oh well, are you up for a spar? You asked earlier."

Vegeta turned off into a room. "Whatever. Let me get changed and I'll meet you out front."

* * *

They flew side by side in silence. Vegeta liked to spar in their first battle spot. It must've brought back memories. It was a little weird. He never pegged Vegeta for a reminiscing man. They landed at the same time. Vegeta stood still and looked around. Goku did the same. Week after week it always looked the same. Yet Vegeta always took a minuet to take in the surroundings.

Vegeta turned and looked at Goku with a strange look again. Goku just gazed back at him, dumbfounded.

"Something's off with you." Vegeta's voice hoarse.

Goku swallowed hard. "I'm fine Vegeta. I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't act stupid Kakarott. I know you're smarter than that." Vegeta crossed his arms.

 _Wow, a compliment_. "I really don't know what you're talking about, Vegeta. I'm sorry."

"Perhaps you just haven't realized it yet." He walked closer. "We've sparred three times this week. Every time you have to sit down with your family, you come for a spar. What'd you skip out on this time?" He looked slightly pleased.

"Ahhh…" He scratched the back of his head. "A picnic."

Vegeta laughed loudly. "Oh that's rich!" Vegeta howled loudly.

"Can we please just get on with the sparring?" Goku frowned and crossed his arms in disgust.

"No." Vegeta was still laughing. "You're going to tell me what your problem is."

"I don't have a problem. Since when do you care?" Goku was getting greatly annoyed by the conversation.

"I don't, Kakarott. Bulma won't get off my hide about you and I just need something pliable to tell her. Once your explanation is good enough then we can get on with the spar." Vegeta crossed his arms and the smile he once held was nothing but a frown now.

Was there a problem? He never really gave it thought. Could there be an explanation for why he always skipped out on his family? It wasn't that he didn't want to spend time with them. He was certain of that. He blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "Chichi is always smothering me! I feel like she isn't ever happy with anything I do unless it's for her! She is constantly on me about cleaning and doing things. I'm tired of it. She acts like she hates me all the time. The only time she's gentle with me is if we're having sex. Other than that she's a bitch."

Vegeta stood in astonishment. His mouth was open slightly.

"What? You asked." Goku kept his face emotionless. Even he was surprised his words came out the way they did. But he wasn't about to let Vegeta know that.

"I suppose I just didn't expect you to be so blunt about it." Vegeta confessed. "I can't go telling Bulma that can I? I'll just tell her you like to spar like the saiyan you are. Bulma's the same way. Always trying to get me to do things. You know what I told her?" He leaned in slightly and smiled.

Goku was afraid to ask. "What…"

"I told her to fuck off and that I just live there. I have no ties to her except our son. If she'd like, I'd move out. We are not a couple, we aren't mates. Sure I care for her, but that's the extent of my feelings for her." He looked into the sky smugly.

"I couldn't tell Chichi that! She'd kill me!" Goku was slightly panicked at the thought of speaking to Chichi that way.

"Ha! There isn't a thing in this world she could use to kill you. No chance. If you're sick of her, then tell her to leave you alone and you are nothing but strangers or friends. Whatever you fancy." He walked closer.

"We've been together for so long… and divorces are expansive. I don't know if I want to put my family through that." Goku's mind was spinning at the possibilities.

"I'll pay for it." Vegeta's face was strangely calm.

 _Why is he trying to get me to divorce Chichi?_ "Vegeta, I don't know…"

"Imagine being able to do whatever the hell you want and not have to answer to anyone! Nobody to tell you what to do!" Vegeta was getting a little too excited. "We could spar everyday if you wanted. No questions asked."

Vegeta's intention was clear. He just wanted Goku miserable. That's all he ever wanted. This little outburst only confirmed it. "I don't appreciate how you confuse my kindness with stupidity." Goku's voice was hollow and emotionless.

Vegeta raised one eyebrow. His eyes pierced through Goku and it made him feel insecure in his accusing.

"I was only trying to help you. Nobody would be surprised that you got a divorce. They would assume that the harpy was the one who filed it. The only thing they would be surprised about would be the fact that _you_ wanted it." He folded his arms over his chest. "If I really wanted to make your life a living hell, I'd just kill all of your weak friends." He smirked.

"What's the end game here? Why are we even talking about this?" Goku sat on the dirt and held his head in his hands.

Vegeta walked over and sat across from him Indian style. "I can tell that you've been pondering it for a while now. I could sense it. You're miserable. That's why you take every chance you get to get away from her. Weather that means abandoning your sons for an hour. Who am I to tell you how to live? I've noticed over the years with Bulma that Human to Saiyan relationships don't last long. They can't. Not unless they mate and humans are incapable of going through the process." He fell back into the dirt and looked at the sky. "Perhaps I've mellowed a bit. Never thought I'd be giving the likes of you relationship advice. Yanno, because I hate you and all."

"The truth is, I have been thinking about a life without Chichi. I'm so sick of her nagging. All she does is bitch at me and nag about everything. I don't want her to die, I just want her to be out of _my_ life."

It was the first real conversation he had about Chichi with anyone. Why he trusted Vegeta with that was beyond him. He'd never trusted The Prince before. Turns out he's a good listener, when he wants to be. Wise as well. Something that was totally unexpected. The rest of the day the pair spent sparring and trying new techniques.

* * *

 **N/A:** I decided to chance the ending because I was a little morbid lol Something similar may happen later or something I haven't decided


	2. His Grace

_**N/A**_ Let me know if I didn't explain something enough. This is a little harsh and if you aren't familiar with DB (when Goku was a little kid The first seasons) then you may need to reserch who Tao is. Remember to review! They fule me. Peace out :3

* * *

Goku didn't know what he was remembering. What he was seeing didn't seem like himself. It was like an out-of-body-experience. It didn't look real, but if felt real. He could feel himself being touched by that vile man in his head. Tao. He remembered the man vividly. Assigned by the Red Ribbon Army to kill him. When Goku was knocked out, the flashes of Tao…. Touching him invaded his sleep. Invaded his thoughts. Goku saw it everywhere. He couldn't go into town without seeing him in a crowd. Starring at him. Violating him with his eyes.

Two months ago, Chichi had asked him to take her to town to buy groceries. Being himself, he'd listened and took her. In the middle of the store, he saw him. Tao walked forward. Passed him several times. Each time he passed Goku, he seemed to undress him with his eyes and smirk to himself. That was when it all came back to him. Every memory that his brain had deleted, came back like a stampede of antelope. Crushing him beneath their hooves and never letting up.

Then the panic attack's started.

Right in the middle of the store, in the middle of a crowd of people, he had a panic attack. He writhed on the bare tile floor, gasping for air. His hands went numb and his lips tingled. Chichi was by his side screaming her head off for help. Strangers crowded around him. A woman in scrubs felt for his pulse and asked him if she could help. Completely out of it, Chichi had to answer for him. She had lifted his feet and crossed his arms over his chest. The ambulance was called and even then, they couldn't calm him down.

In the hospital, and still not breathing properly, doctors and trauma nurses crowded around frantically trying to help. Every time they tried to approach him with a needle, he flailed angrily, screaming bloody murder. To make things worse, he saw Tao again. This time, the sick-o was dressed in a doctor's outfit, also attempting to 'touch' him. In a panic, Goku screamed louder and louder. Demanding that particular 'doctor' be stowed away for rape and highly medicated in a padded room. Even more drama happened when he was informed that this Doctor impersonator was the head attending of the Emergency ward. That said doctor needed to be present.

Even through his hyperventilating, he tried to express his hatred for Tao. Trying frantically to explain to the fellow nurses and doctors that this man had molested him as a child and he was terrified. Time and time again, they ignored his panicking and repeated that he needed to calm down. By then, they had him restrained and somehow, all of his ki, his power, and his defences were down. The restraints felt like they were made of something unbreakable. He ripped his arms and legs up as quickly and as strongly as he could muster. Even with all his might, the restraints stayed intact. Through the tears and through his aching lungs, he continued to scream bloody murder until Tao shoved a needle into his bicep and pushed the clear liquid into his blood stream. Before he could gather what was happening, he became sleepy and his vision blurred. They had sedated him and his breathing levelled out. The darkness terrified him because he was afraid that Tao would do something to him again and he wouldn't be able to fight him off.

Eventually he gave into the alluring darkness and drifted away.

The following day, he'd discharged himself and returned home.

Ever since then, the visions didn't stop. From the memories, it happened multiple times. He'd been drugged, violated, and left to die time and time again. Every time, he'd wake up and somehow find his way back to his grandfather's home. Of course in the morning, everything was forgotten. His brain's way of shielding him from the trauma. Now, his brain was betraying him and forcing him to remember everything. How it happened, how he was reminded, was beyond him. He couldn't think of anything that would've triggered it. _Something_ he saw, made his mind do back flips.

Next was his sleep. Sleep evaded him completely. Every time he closed his eyes, the visions came back and were ten times stronger than they were while he was lucid. Every time he was touched, by anyone, his whole body felt like he was being lit on fire. The pain rushed through his veins and he'd flinch as if he was about to be hit.

Doctor after doctor. Psychologist after another and nothing could be done. Originally, he'd been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. The doctor had explained it as, widespread muscle pain and tenderness upon being touched even in the gentlest of ways. Medications were administered and Chichi being Chichi, demanded and monitored him in his taking them. After a month of non-stop medications, nothing helped. He still radiated with pain every time he was touched by someone else. Once again being in a doctor's office, they told him that the pain was all in his mind. They had diagnosed wrong. He needed therapist.

"Bullshit." Goku whispered to himself at the recollection.

Staying home was a normal thing for Goku now. He never left. Not for sparring, not for food or shopping, and certainly not for visiting friends. He was broken and wasn't about to let everyone know that. Chichi had been a gem and told everyone he had mono. Which in turn, kept everyone at a distance. Goku received calls from them. He could hardly muster the courage to talk to them that way. They had agreed that he sounded sick. At least he'd been convincing.

The wonderful friends he had, would send him soup and warming things. Those acts of curtsey almost always went in the trash. After all, he couldn't keep anything down.

Goku would vomit violently. Even if there was nothing in his stomach, he would cough up stomach acids. The chronic vomiting wouldn't happen if he wasn't thinking about Tao. Unfortunately for him, the whole situation was on his brain constantly. Racking him. He was certain that if this were to continue, he'd surly loose touch with reality. Possibly be admitted to a mental illness ward.

Not to mention his pissed off sparring partner. The last time the two sparred, Vegeta and he had a deep conversation about Chichi and it had been eye opening. Now he was home bound and afraid of his own shadow. Oh how disappointed Vegeta would be to see the Third-class like this. Funny how things change in such a short amount of time.

Nobody was ever home. Goku stayed home by himself. All day, all night. Chichi said that she was staying at Bulma's. Every Thursday she brought food over for him, but most of it just sat in the fridge and rotted. To think that Chichi had complained about him before all this. About him sparring all the time, then lead to Vegeta saying Bulma was on him. Perhaps he'd been showing signs beforehand. Something tipped them off. Goku always just assumed that it was because he was never around to go on family gatherings. In the past year, he'd acquired a new outlook on life. At the time he didn't understand, but now he did. This thing that happened to him changed who he was. Altered his personality. Made him think deeper and deeper about everything. Reading into things that weren't there.

Research was never a strong suit of Goku's. Sure enough, Goku found the courage to look up General Tao. Pictures and news letters popped up and invaded his screen. Seeing his face almost sent Goku into another panic attack. He sat at the desk scrolling through all the documents with his hand over his mouth and warm tears dripping from his face.

The articles were fairly old. Most of them dated back to a time before Goku. He reached a link that said _The Great General Tao Traumatises_ _Life Itself_. Although seeing just a few articles made Goku nauseous, that one looked promising. The bastard was shot by a woman named Kimmika. Her statement was that Tao had molested her five year old son. Soon after, cases popped up all over the state. All over the country. Child Molestation cases for prepubescent boys. The sick bastard molested more than fifty different boys. All from the age range of five to thirteen. Then Goku found where the bastard was. East city Hospital. In a coma from the shot, chained to the bed and supervised until his death. They couldn't prosecute him until he woke. They couldn't at all if he died.

Goku's mind was spinning. He wanted Tao dead. All those children. Himself. They deserved closure just as much as he did. They needed to know that someone was looking out for them. Someone cared. That someone was willing to risk themselves for their safety and well being.

He shut the computer off in a haste and sat back in the chair in astonishment. He couldn't believe what he was thinking. He was going to end Tao's life by his own hands and he was dead set on it. Nothing would change his mind.

* * *

Vegeta stood by the door tapping his foot impatiently. Chichi sat on the couch crying her eyes out for the tenth day in a row. Ever since she came to stay, she'd cried everyday. Goku this, Goku that. Going on and on about him being sick and nothing helped. Vegeta didn't actually think Goku would divorce her. He didn't think the idiot would listen to him. Vegeta smirked. He felt proud of himself.

"Awe, Chichi!" Bulma ran over to her and rubbed her back. "Everything's going to be okay!"

"I tried to get him help! I failed and now he's miserable!" She wailed into Bulma's shoulder.

 _Help him? Miserable?_ That didn't sound like a divorce. Normally Vegeta wasn't in the room when the harpy started to weep.

"What do you mean help him?" Vegeta demanded.

Bulma looked at him scornfully and Chichi sized him up with her sad eyes. "I took him to doctors I made sure he took his meds but he only got worse! I don't know what to do!" Her tears poured out of her like a waterfall.

 _What? What is she going on about?_ Vegeta looked at her confusingly. She continued to cry in Bulma's shoulder. Clearly she wasn't going to explain and surely Bulma knew. That was his Que. to leave. He hurried back up to his bedroom and locked the door behind him. Immediately, he rushed over to the top drawer of his dresser and fished out his baggy and pipe. Since Buu, he'd been crazy. Similar to Chichi's concern, Bulma had made him see a professional. Of course, he was diagnosed with PTSD. Which apparently is common in soldiers. Although Vegeta wasn't exactly a 'soldier' so to speak, he had gone through things similar to that of one.

Copping with that was a feat in it's own. The 'professional' had tried to get him on some sort of medicine but he declined. As the years went by, it only got worse. Every night, he'd dream about being beat by Buu. Being kicked repeatedly. The sound of his maniacal laugher. The sound of the blasts being shot. He'd relive the whole thing all over again. Every night. When he was alone, he was scared. Every noise made him jump. His anxiety was through the roof. Being alone made him feel like he was spiralling into an impending doom.

Some nights he'd wake up screaming. Shouting at Goku to help him. Trying to get Buu away from Goku. He'd wake up in a cold sweat and wouldn't know where he was.

Eventually the whole PTSD thing got on his nerves. Vegeta looked to his son for help. Thus getting him into smoking marijuana. Bulma had told him over and over that it'd only make it worse, but it didn't. When he smoked, he felt free again. The anxiety went away. The dreams and feelings of doom. It was almost like he was himself again.

Vegeta carefully pulled pieces of the bud apart and pushed them down into his glass pipe. He lifted the little pipe to his lips and lit the bud with his ki. The smoke went into his lungs and back out. That process continued until his bag was empty. Vegeta was as high as a kite. The price he paid for feeling that way was now he had to go buy more. He stood and put his pipe back in his drawer. Just as he turned around, Bulma came into his room waving her hand in front of her nose.

"Jesus Vegeta!" Bulma closed the door behind her quickly.

"You knew I was coming up here to do that so you brought this on yourself." He sat on his bed and crossed his arms.

Bulma sighed and sat down next to him. "Do you remember when I asked you to see what was wrong with Goku and you said that he just liked to spar a lot?" Her features were soft and concerned.

"Yeah?" Vegeta looked at her but she kept her eyes on her hands.

"Well you were wrong. some thing's definitely wrong with him. He's not eating or sleeping. He never leaves the house and he's scared of everything. He can't be touched or he freaks out and has panic attacks." Bulma locked eyes with Vegeta and made a puppy dog face.

"Maybe he has PTSD."

"I thought that too... It's worse than that.." Her eyes became filled with tears. "Please, go stay with him... Help him. No one else can." She fell into his lap and began to cry.

It all actuality, the last thing he wanted to do was go live with the half whit. However he just couldn't let the last of his race become mentally ill. His pride just wouldn't allow it. "Fine."

* * *

The next hour was filled with packing. Vegeta silently gathered his things and put them into a bag. Chichi came in the door way of his room and knocked on his door. Vegeta turned on his heel and met her gaze.

"Vegeta.." Her voice was low and solemn. "Thank you." She walked closer to him.

"Hn." He turned back to his clothing.

"I know that we got off on the wrong foot.." She began, "I'm thankful that you are willing to help Goku. I know you don't like him, or me, but thank you." She approached him and took his hand. In it, she placed a key. "This is the key to our home. He locks everything. All the windows are boarded up and so is the front door. After I left the last time, he boarded up the front door. Said there was a chance Tao could get in through there. I don't know who that is but.." She paused and wiped her face. "this key is universal so it works on the hidden door behind our house. You'll see two large bushes and between them is a door. The bushes cover it. It opens right up to the laundry room." She closed Vegeta's hand around the key. "I'm putting everything I have in you Vegeta." She wrapped herself around Vegeta's waist and kissed him on the cheek before she turned and walked out of his room.

He was stunned. Chichi had always hated him. Envied him. Knowing that used to make him feel pride. That he, The Prince, had such control over the harpy's thoughts. Now he just felt bad for her. That woman's pride was almost as big as his and she set that aside to help her husband. If that wasn't love then he didn't know what love was.

Vegeta was surprised that he only had two bags of belongings. He could fit everything in one garbage bag and it would still only be half full. He placed both bags in front of the door and turned around. Bulma, Chichi, Goten, and Trunks stood before him. First, Bulma hugged him then Trunks did. Goten wished him luck and thanked him. Then, he flipped both bags over his shoulder and walked out the front door.

The flight was long and arduous. It was a horrible night to travel. A storm the size of a planet loomed over head. It was pouring and the worst was yet to come. Luckily his bags were water proof so at least his clothes wouldn't be wet. He really needed to invest in Instant Transmission. Vegeta could only imagine what was wrong with Goku. The Third Class never had issues with anything. He was so mellow all the time. If he did have a problem, he voiced it. Never had he pushed away anyone. Now Vegeta was going to live with him until he showed signs of improvement. The only reason Vegeta agreed to do this was because he knew that Goku was easy to fix. He would only be held up there for a few days at most.

Vegeta arrived at the Son home two hours later. The storm had in fact worsened. Lightning and thunder shook the Earth. Chichi was right, all the windows were boarded up. The front door was replaced with an iron one, which was also boarded up. Vegeta made sure to lower his ki. _Can't have Kakarott coming out here and throwing a fit._ The element of surprise was all Vegeta had. He snuck his way around the back of the house and found the two bushes smashed against the house. He made a V shape with his hands and preyed the shrubs apart. Between them, was a skinny wooden door with a pad lock on it. Vegeta pulled the key out of his pocket and jammed it into the keyhole. The door opened easily and to his liking, quietly. He took shelter from the storm in the warm home. Just as Chichi had explained, he was in the laundry room.

It was like a desert in the house. The air was so dry, Vegeta got a nose bleed just from breathing. The hot air assaulted him while he walked through the hall way. It was dark. Especially with the storm and all the windows covered. There were faint sounds of sobbing coming from the living area. Vegeta peaked around the corner and found Goku sitting at the desk with his mouth covered and tears running down his face. Goku was hunched over and wrapped in a blanket. His face was glued to the computer screen. From Vegeta's distance, he couldn't see what the dolt was looking at. Very gently, he placed one foot in front of the other until he was mere inches away from Goku's head. The scre _en read:_

 _Favoured General Tao was placed in the East City ICU on Friday May 2nd in critical condition. A woman, Kimmika, shot the great general and put him in a coma. Her statement shocked_ _half the country side. Her words? "I knew there was something wrong. The General would come over every Saturday and talk to my son, Malo. Malo started to become more and more different as time went on. When I finally got it out of him, I was shocked and driven by anger. I grabbed my husbands hand gun and did what any sensible mother would do if she found out her child was molested. I shot him." The story went viral on Channel 6 news that night, and soon there after, cases popped up all over the country. Authorities were alerted and more children spoke out. There were more than fifty cases by then end of the month. Children ranging from 5-13 all spoke out saying that Tao did the unthinkable to them too. As of today, Tao resides in East City Hospital in a coma..._

Vegeta froze. Why was Goku looking at this sick bastard? Vegeta had seen the whole thing on the news. Tao was a monster. He watched as Goku stared in awe and sat back in his chair. He looked utterly terrified. Now was Vegeta's chance to speak.

"Kakarott?" He asked.

Goku jumped in fright and turned around quickly. "Vegeta?!" He shouted. "How did you get in here?!" He stood and backed away as if Vegeta was going to kill him.

"Calm down you idiot! Congratulations by the way, you managed to scare away your whole family and make everyone worry. No I'm here and I'm supposed to help you." Vegeta crossed his arms and regarded Goku from the corner of his eye.

"Look, I don't know what you're talking about or how you got in here, but you need to leave." He stood and motioned to the door.

Vegeta laughed and sat in the desk chair. "I'm not leaving until you're yourself again. Am I clear?" Goku gave him a dirty look. "Why were you looking up that sick-o tao?"

Goku's face burnt bright red and his eyes started to well up. "You know he's a monster?" He stammered over the words.

"Yeah, duh, it was all over the news for weeks." Vegeta picked at his fingertips.

Goku shifted his weight nervously. Then lifted his fingers to his mouth and chewed his nails. "We don't watch the news. Chichi always said that it was bad for the kids."

"So you never saw it on the news?" Vegeta stepped closer and Goku stepped back.

"N-no." He wrapped his arms around himself and dug his nails into his skin.

"What's going on with you? Why do you care about Tao? If you ask me, the bastard got what he deserved. Rotting in a hospital like a vegetable. Priceless." Vegeta crossed his arms and smirked.

"I think he should die."

Vegeta paused. _Did that come from Kakarott?_ He was sure it did. Even though it was low and hardly audible, it came from Goku. "What did you just say?"

Goku rolled his eyes and backed up more. "I think he should die."

He repeated it again and still Vegeta couldn't wrap his mind around it. So he did what felt right. He laughed loudly and hard. To the point his stomach hurt. When he finished, he wiped a tear from his eye. Goku stood still with a serious face. The sort of face he wore when he was going to fight a dangerous opponent.

"Look, I don't know why you're here, but I'm still sick and not feeling well enough to have any guests or spar."

"I'm not here to spar and I'm not a 'guest'. I live here now." Vegeta paused. "Sick how?"

"Ummm no. You really just need to le-"

"SICK how?" Vegeta crossed his arms.

"Vegeta," he sighed, "I'm just having some mental problems and I'm going to take care of it. Then everything can go back to normal."Goku sat at the kitchen table and bounced his leg.

"Nothing will be normal again. You don't go from nauseating happiness to chronic depression. Some thing's wrong, Kakarott."

Vegeta stepped closer yet again and Goku backed away. It continued until Goku's back was against the wall. Vegeta's face was inches from Goku's. Goku was scared. The blood ran out of his face and turned blue from fright. Vegeta had never seen him so petrified.

"What is going on with you?" Vegeta whispered.

"Please just back away, please.." He put his hands above his head.

Vegeta raised his brow. _What happened to you?_ Vegeta lifted his hand to Goku's arm. Goku flinched and whined slightly.

"Please don't touch me... please... it hurts." Goku's voice was weak.

Vegeta didn't listen and he placed his hand on Goku's shoulder. He flinched and whined slightly. He looked like he was preparing for pain. His face was twisted. They held their position for a minuet. Goku opened his eyes wide. The colour returned to his face and his mouth dropped. He grabbed Vegeta's hand and placed it on other parts of his body. Finally ending with Vegeta's hands on his face.

"No pain." Goku whispered. "No pain!" He grabbed Vegeta and hugged him

From what he heard, this is the most emotion Goku had expressed in months. Vegeta had a hard time deciphering whether that was a good thing or just the beginning of a bad thing.


	3. Can We Trust?

**A/N** I felt a little off task twoards the end. Let me know if you got that same feeling. Also I tried to have this chapter out earlier but all of my electronics were being stupid so I'm sorry lol. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

* * *

Vegeta had been living with Goku for a week now. Even with constant company, Goku still felt alone. No one else knew what he was going through. No one else knew what had happened to him. Rationally, he knew that other children had experienced the same thing he had. The more he researched, the more he found. Researching his sex offender probably wasn't a very wise idea. Finding out information about the whole ordeal fed his anxiety. In the week that Vegeta was there, Goku had three panic attacks and every night, like usual, he had a nightmare. He wasn't sure how many times Tao had done what he did to him. Every nightmare was different. In a different place and different time all through his childhood. Clear up until he hit thirteen. Then the visits from Tao stopped abruptly. That must've been when his mind deleted it. The specific memory that harassed him several times a day. The one that shook him to the core. The last time Tao had touched him. He remembered it like it was yesterday.

 _The room was dark and Goku didn't recognise it. Faint shadows of furniture outlined the familiar wall. He was dizzy and disoriented. All of his body parts were heavy. Too heavy to lift or manoeuvre. He didn't remember how he got to this mysterious place. Feeling the textures beneath him, he came to the conclusion that he was lying on an uncovered mattress. He stretched his heavy arm out to touch what was beneath the bed. Concrete. It was cold and uninviting. He peeled himself off the mattress and attempted to look around. Before him was a small door. Under it, and bright light shown through that hurt his eye. He fell helplessly back into the mattress and covered his face. The sudden light and movement made him even dizzier._

 _He laid helplessly on the bed waiting for something to happen next. The light from the door ricocheted off of something and made a line on the ceiling. Then, the door opened and a man walked through. He was tall and the dark shaded his face. A light came on in the room. Goku looked around frantically. It was a small square room. The walls were made up of cinder blocks and the floor, concrete. A chair sat in the corner closest to him. He looked towards the man who was standing before him. It was Tao._

 _Goku threw himself against the wall and held up his fists. But he was staggering and couldn't keep his balance. His vision tripled. Tao approached him and pushed Goku's fists down. Goku tried to fight but couldn't find his strength. Tao smiled and caught Goku as he fell. Tao placed him back on the mattress._

 _"Hello Goku." Tao sat in front of Goku._

 _"What do yah want, Tao?" Goku stumbled over the words._

 _"Oh Goku. Don't you remember my past visits?" He looked over Goku's body._

 _"You mean when yah tried ta kill meh?"_

 _Tao chuckled to himself. "No Goku."_

 _He crawled over to Goku and forced Goku onto his back._

 _"What are ya-"_

 _Tao slapped his hand over Goku's mouth. "Shhh. Be a good little boy now, and maybe I won't kill you." He smiled deviously to himself. "This will hurt, a lot."_

 _Goku couldn't move or talk anymore. His eyes were so heavy but he couldn't sleep. He felt Tao run his hand up the inside of his leg and grip him slightly. Goku squirmed to get loose. Tao was gripping his hands above his head with one hand and the other over his mouth still. Goku started to cry as Tao pressed his arousal against Goku's leg._

 _"Now, now, Goku. Don't cry. You're in safe hands." He giggled again and removed his hand from Goku's mouth. "I know you're too tired to scream. Even so, no one would hear you."_

 _With one rip, Tao ripped Goku's top off, then his pants. Goku watched as his clothes were thrown into a heap beside his head. Tao let go of Goku's hands and sat up on his knees. Goku tried to move his hands but he couldn't find them. They were too heavy. Tao gently removed his clothing and folded them neatly beside his knees. Tao's fingers roamed Goku's body. Every touch felt like he was being sliced open, even though Tao was being as gentle as ever._

 _"Oh, Goku, your skin is SO soft." He slid his hand to Goku's downstairs. "Mmm getting bigger. Growing up are we?" He placed his hands around Goku's face and looked him in the eyes. "Unfortunately this will be our last meeting. You are getting too old. Don't worry, I'll make it memorable." He smiled to himself and Goku cried more._

 _Tao spread Goku's legs apart and positioned himself between them. He hunched over. Goku could feel something at his entrance. Then, Pain. Lots of pain, all at once it attacked him all over. Every breath felt like he was breathing in razor blades. Whatever was inside him throbbed. Tao panted heavily and moaned. Each thrust made his body hurt. It felt like he was going to split in two. His very body was ripping at the seams. He tried to cry out, but his throat made only noises of pain. Like he was drowned._

 _After what felt like an eternity, the pain disappeared. Everything disappeared. His stared blankly at the ceiling as the last tea fell form his cheek. Tao fell on top of him and breathed quickly. His hands roamed Goku's scalp._

 _"I love you Goku." Tao spoke slowly. "I will never forget you." He got off of Goku and then the room around him went black._

Goku rubbed his brow. Thinking about the dream made him nauseous. That one was the worst because he remembered the pain so vividly. That pain came every time he was touched, but not by Vegeta. Vegeta was the only one who could touch him other than himself. The news said Tao's first attack was around Age 754. Goku was last attacked in Age 750. Which meant Goku was his first. Goku was the reason it all started and Tao traumatised more children. Goku blamed himself for all those children's pain.

Goku sat in the corner of his room with his arms wrapped around his legs. It was four in the morning and Goku couldn't sleep anymore. At least Goku didn't wake up screaming and cause Vegeta to run in his room again. All throughout the week, Goku had woke up at some odd hour in the morning screaming and crying his head off. Vegeta would come flying in with a fist full of ki. At first. Now he just lazily walked into Goku's room and sat on his bed with him until the sun came up. The pair would sit there in silence. No words, no questions, just each others company.

Vegeta never asked what was wrong. He didn't pry like Chichi did. He simply let Goku go about his day like he wasn't there. The only time they talked was over a plate of food. Vegeta had taken over the position of 'cook' and fed Goku. When they talked, it was about sparring or fighting. Vegeta seemed to stick to the Buu fight the most. It was like that was all he thought about. The weird part about him was that he'd catch himself rambling on about Buu, then take off into his bedroom for fifteen minutes. When he'd come back out, his eyes would be red and he smelled like burnt plants. It was a similar smell. Sometimes Goten would come out of his room smelling like that. Though it was like only Goku smelled it. Every time he asked Chichi if she smelled it, she'd give him a stupid look and shake her head.

Goku rested his head against the wall as he stared at the floor. His door opened slightly. Vegeta peaked his head in and looked around. Not satisfied with what he saw, he walked in and looked around again.

"Kakarott?" He asked the darkness.

"Over here." Goku said in a whisper.

"Why are you there?"

"Couldn't sleep." That was the only answer he could tell Vegeta. Surly Vegeta would laugh at him if he were to find out that he was molested.

"Hn." Vegeta fell onto Goku's mattress. "I couldn't either."

Goku sat up and stared at Vegeta. He stood and fell on the bed alongside Vegeta.

"You know you can tell me, right?" Vegeta's voice was surprisingly calm and sleepy.

"Tell you what?" Goku acted clueless.

"Tell me what you're dreams are about. What's keeping you up and what's making you panic and quiver." Goku watched Vegeta's lips move. His gaze was fixed on the ceiling.

"There's nothin-"

"Shut the hell up Kakarott. Do you mistake me for a fool? If you'd like to keep your little nightmare a secret, maybe you should try acting yourself." Vegeta crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Goku. He sat up to leave.

"No, Vegeta wait..." Goku sat up and stretched his arm after Vegeta. "Please don't leave." Goku couldn't see Vegeta's face in the dark, but he was sure the Prince was scowling.

"Why should I?" His voice wasn't rough.

"Be-because I need you to sit with me."

"Not good enough." Vegeta turned back around and opened the door.

"Vegeta!" Goku didn't realise he was screaming and crying. "Please don't go I'll tell you... I'll tell you..." He covered his face and fell into the pillow.

He felt Vegeta's weight back on the bed. Vegeta placed his hand on Goku's back and rubbed. For the first time in almost three months, he felt the warm touch of another. No pain, just the warmth from Vegeta's hand. He turned his head to look at Vegeta who was lying next to him.

"Go on." Vegeta raised his eyebrows at him.

Goku took in a deep breath. He was afraid Vegeta would laugh at him. Even though the prince appeared harmless in his fuzzy pj's, he could very easily become maniacal in a second.

"I haven't told anyone since I found out. I don't even know if I can say it out loud without having a panic attack..." Goku chewed his fingernail.

"If you do, then I'm here to talk you through it." Vegeta stared into Goku's eyes.

"Okay.." He let out a breath. "Three months ago, I took Chichi to the store to get groceries. Everything was fine until I saw Tao." He paused.

"This was before he got shot?"

"Yes...At first, I thought nothing of it. Then, like a tittle wave.." He swallowed hard, trying to hold back tears. "...I remembered everything, all at once." A single tear fell down his cheek and he squeezed his eyes shut.

"...And?" Vegeta edged on.

Goku gulped again. "I... I remembered everything he'd done to me." Goku felt the rising panic attack in his chest.

Vegeta looked at with apathy? His face contorted into absolute disgust. "Kakarott that's a sick thing to lie about! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"Why would I lie about that?!" Goku yelled. "Why do you think I can't sleep or do anything?! It _haunts_ me Vegeta!"

"Then why are you just remembering now? He doesn't go after adults you dolt!" Vegeta sat up and punched the bed.

"IT WAS WHEN I WAS A KID VEGETA!" Goku screamed through his tears. "What he did to me was ten times worse than what he did to those children! He fucked me over and over and over! At least once a week! He only touched those kids! At least they didn't have his dick stuffed inside them!" He grabbed a pillow and smashed it into his face.

The tears poured out. Faster and more than before. He didn't hold back. It felt good to get all of that off of his chest, but terrified him at the same time. Vegeta grabbed his face and forced Goku to look into his eyes.

"Are you certain of this?!" Vegeta's face was serious but scared.

Goku just nodded and started to cry harder. Vegeta pulled him over into his lap. Goku wrapped his arms around Vegeta's waist and cried into his legs. Vegeta played with Goku's hair until he cried himself to sleep.

* * *

Vegeta ran his fingers through Goku's matted spikes. The younger saiyan purred as he slept restfully. He'd been laying with him for almost four hours. The sun was just coming up over the horizon. It was 6:45am. Vegeta cupped Goku's head in his hands and gently placed it on the pillow beneath him. He slid out from under Goku and closed his bedroom door quietly.

Vegeta didn't know weather to believe Goku's claim or disregard it. Although Tao was pretty old, it would've been possible for him to hurt Goku. The thought actually bothered Vegeta. The fact that someone could do that to a young Goku who just wanted to fight all the time. Growing up and not understanding his urges because of his saiyan blood. Which lead Vegeta to understand why the man was so different. The behaviour he witnessed over the past week was staggering. Goku was being tormented by a past that didn't seem real. Bulma had been calling him nonstop. Asking if Goku's okay and how things were going. Mostly, Vegeta just gave simple answers. Just to get the woman off his back.

He walked out to the kitchen and attempted to round up a breakfast. With the way Goku's eating and sleeping habits have been, Vegeta didn't expect him to sleep long or eat. He was fairly certain that Goku hadn't eaten in weeks. He'd never been a cook but he knew when meat was thoroughly cooked. It had a distinct smell.

In an hour, Vegeta had a breakfast fit for a king whipped up. Everything smelled good. Perfect, in fact. But Vegeta wasn't hungry. He almost punched himself in the face when he realised he'd cooked everything for Goku. He knew the idiot would be starved after not eating for weeks, and figured this might suffice. All of the plates of food were placed on the table ChiChi Style. Maybe a little familiarity would help ease his mind. He placed the last bowl on the table and walked back the hall way.

Goku was still asleep in the same spot and state Vegeta had left him. It was freezing in the room. The rest of the house was like a sauna, but that room in particular was freezing cold. Vegeta hadn't noticed it before, what with Goku's furnace of a body on him. He walked up to Goku and placed the back of his hand against Goku's shoulder. Low and behold, he too was froze. Normally, Vegeta would just leave him to freeze, but something inside him told him to cover Goku. Since Goku was laying on top of the duvet, Vegeta ran back to his room and grabbed his blanket. A blanket he had since his childhood. The only thing other than himself and Goku that was straight from Planet Vegeta. The blanket was made from polyester, and was furry. It fit a 'California King' as they called it. The colours, even after all those years, were vibrant. The majority of the blanket was a red-pink, similar to the sky at Planet Vegeta. Dark purples and blues were scattered about in random spots. He stretched the blanket out over the drowsy saiyan. Immediately, Goku grabbed the blanket and pressed it to his chest and face.

He walked back out to the kitchen and made Goku a plate and put it in the microwave. He placed a sticky note on the door that said "here's your food." As simple as it was, at least he bothered at all. With that, he pulled a rolled joint from his pocket and kicked the front door down. Bright, blinding light filled the kitchen, which made it not look so damn depressing. He hurried out and flew a few miles away from the Son home. He had to hurry and smoke, his visions were coming back. Upon arrival, he lit his joint and sat in the warm sun.

* * *

Goku opened his tired eyes slowly. He'd actually slept for a good eight hours. No dreams, no pain. Just blissful sleep. He found an unfamiliar blanket wrapped around him. The colours were beautiful. They meshed together so well, it was almost familiar. It smelled amazing. It must've been Vegeta's. It was a distinct smell, calming and relaxing. He cuddled the blanket closer. It made him feel safe. Then, he caught a whiff of food. He climbed from his bed lazily and peered around the corner. There was light in the kitchen, but it wasn't from the ceiling light, it was _natural_ light. He went into a panic. His first thought, Tao was awake and got into his house to finish the job. He raced down the hall way and came to a skidding stop. His heavy, almost indestructible door, had been kicked down. The light poured it and soaked everything it touched.

Quickly, he grabbed the door from the ground and tried to stick it back into the spot it once stood. Try as he might, he was unable to get the door to stay put. He left go of the thing and ran his fingers through his hair. Tears of agony streamed down his face. He ran back into his house and ran through every room with a fine tooth comb.

"I know you're here Tao!" He shouted as he ran frantically through the hall. "Come out and fight me like a man!"

He looked around himself over and over, holding his fists up, ready to strike.

 _Are you sure you want that_? That horrifying voice shook Goku to the core. His heat sunk. _If you're not a good boy, then I'll have to hurt you again._

"No, no, no, no! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'll be a good boy!" He fell to the floor and cried. He kept his knees drawn and his hands clawed his face.

 _That's my good boy! I'll be with you in a moment_. Goku fell on his side and resumed a curled position. His breathing an heart rate skyrocketed. He lay in agony as he struggled to breathe. Then, he saw Tao again. He crouched beside him and reached out. Goku screamed and tried to back away, but he was against a wall.

"No, no! Please! I'm a good boy please don't! Pleaseee!" He wailed.

"I'm not going to hurt you." His hand came out again.

"I'm sorry," he heaved for air, "I'm so sorry Master, I won't disobey you again.."

Suddenly he felt himself being wrapped in a hug. There wasn't any pain. Goku looked up at who he thought was Tao, and watched as his face changed. It was Vegeta. Goku gripped him firmly and hid his face.

"It's okay Kakarott, calm down. I'm here now." Vegeta pet Goku's hair.

Goku was still having a panic attack. His hands and lips were numb and his breathing was rapid, once again. Vegeta grabbed his face and looked into his eyes.

"Kakarott, listen to me. Are you listening?" Goku nodded. "I need you to breathe. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Can you do that?"

"I'll tr-"

Vegeta put his finger on his lip. "Don't speak, just listen to the sound of my voice and breathe. Again, in through your nose," Vegeta took a breath through his nose and Goku followed. "out through your mouth." They both pushed out air. "Good, good. Now in through your nose,"

The process continued until Goku was able to control himself. Once again, he was tried from the hyperventilating. Instead of trapping Vegeta underneath him again, he stood and sat at the table. The door still bothered him. It made him anxious. Vegeta brought a plate of food over and put it in front of Goku.

"Eat." He sat across from him.

"I'm not hungry." Goku pushed the plate away.

"Guess what? I don't give a shit. Eat or I'll make you." He sipped at his coffee.

"Jezz, fine." Goku took a bite of the eggs and surprisingly, they were good.

Vegeta set his coffee down and stared at Goku. Goku stopped shovelling his food and stared back.

"I think we should pay our old pal, Tao a visit. I think if you'd see him, maybe it'd clear your mind." He sipped his coffee again.

Goku spit out his eggs and screamed. "No way! Seeing him in person would send me into a panic attack!" He was starting to panic again.

"You need to forgive and forget, Kakarott."

His mouth dropped. "I don't think you understand what the hell you're talking about!" Goku slammed his fist on the table. "You don't understand! He violated me! Bruised my ego! You should know what that feels like." He crossed his arms in disgust.

Vegeta chuckled. "I understand fully." His calm eyes became infuriated. "I know you won't forget. You won't forgive. You'll live your life in fear and regret because you weren't the one who ended his life. After a few years, the visions will calm down, but every now and then, they'll resurface and cause you agony. You won't get better until he dies. Even then, he's burnt into your brain. He's branded himself onto you. Everywhere you go, he goes. Whether you want him to or not." Vegeta looked down at his cup. His hands shook violently.

Goku stared in awe. Vegeta understood alright. "Vegeta..." He wasn't sure how to approach the subject. "Were you..."

"Yes, Kakarott. I was violated the same way you were except it continued until you killed him. Frieza." He said the name with such animosity.

Goku sat quietly as Vegeta continued to hold back his words. "Tell me, Vegeta."

"I... Can't." Vegeta gritted his teeth together.

"Just say it, you'll feel so much better. I know I did when I told you." Goku swallowed hard. At that moment in time, the conversation could go either way. Vegeta could crumble and tell Goku, or he could snap and punch his lights out.

Vegeta took in a breath and released it slowly. "Everyday, when I wasn't out on a mission, he'd touch me. Sometimes the sick bastard would bring others in. He got off on watching me be pounded by others. Then, once he was satisfied with that, he'd do his own thing. At first, when I was too young, he'd only touch me, no sex. He'd force me to touch him, then to touch myself. Sometimes he'd make me get a shower with him. He liked seeing me all wet." He scowled angrily at the floor. "When I tried to make him stop, when I confronted him, he laughed in my face. Then he fucked me so hard I couldn't walk for two days. After that, I walked bow legged for a week." He looked into Goku's eyes. "I'll never forgive him, and I won't forget. I wanted him dead but there was no way I could. He was too strong. Then you came along. I was so mad at you for killing him. It was my job. But you did it. That's why I 'hated' you for so long. Eventually, I felt like I owed you. Knowing he was dead, gave me some closure." He sighed. "Even after he was dead, I still saw him in my head. I heard him, I felt him. I still thought he was coming for me. So yes, Kakarott, I understand what's happening to you completely."

Goku sat speechless. He'd never thought something like that would happen to Vegeta. He was too strong and arrogant to let someone touch him. He was surprised that he even touched Bulma.

Then, Vegeta pulled out a small circular shaped paper. It resembled a cigarette but it wasn't.

"Is that pot?" Goku asked. He knew what it was. He'd seen those in Goten's room.

"Yeah." Vegeta lit the little joint.

"Why?"

"Because it's the only thing that keeps my PTSD at bay." He covered his mouth quickly like he didn't mean to say it.

"PTSD? You have it?" Goku lent forward. Totally engrossed.

Vegeta sighed and took another hit of his joint. "Yeah. It's from Buu. I guess knowing I couldn't do shit, fucked up my head." He tapped his head with his index finger, similar to the way Cell did. "You'd think all the things Frieza did to me would give me the PTSD. Nope, Buu." He sat back in his chair.

"Damn, Vegeta. I've heard that it's hard to cope with." Goku stirred his eggs around on his plate.

"It is. Sometimes the pot doesn't work. I still have dreams about it."

"Maybe you just need talk about it.." Goku looked at Vegeta with hopeful eyes.

Vegeta narrowed his eyes. "Nice try, Kakarott." He stood and walked away.

Goku didn't understand why, but talking about Vegeta's problems made him feel better about his own. Finally he didn't feel so alone. Once again, Vegeta surprised him.

* * *

It was raining in East City. The time was 6:30am. The time seemed irrelevant as the half robot half human opened his eyes.

Tao was awake. A nurse finished changing his linens. As she tucked the sheet around his bed, he grabbed her arm, startling her.

"Would you mind calling the authorities. There seems to be a mix up." He smiled sweetly, and falling for his kind demeanour, she bowed her head.

"Sure thing General Tao." She walked out of the room.

The cop sitting beside his bed was sleeping. Tao stretched his neck around and saw that the cop was none other than his assistant. Langen. He attempted to reach out and tap the man, then noticed the cuffs around both of his arms. He sighed.

"Langen!" He yelled. Langen nearly fell out of his chair.

"Sir! You've awoken!" He recovered himself quickly.

"Yes, now what are these vial things around my wrists? Remove them at once." He demanded.

Langen paused and twisted his fingers nervously. "I uh can't do that sir. It'll blow my cover."

Tao sighed and rested his head back into the pillow. A doctor and the same nurse from before came into the room. The doctor picked up his clip board and scribbled something down. "How are you feeling Tao?"

"It's General Tao. Fine, if you must know."

"Hm." He continued to write.

"How long am I to be held here?"

"Six more months now that you've awoken. They'll probably transfer you to the prison infirmary now that you're responsive." He never looked up.

Three cops and a guy in a suit walked into the room, dismissed the doctor and nurse, then the man in the suit sat beside Tao. He pulled out a laptop and began to type.

"Are you aware of what the city is accusing you for?" He looked up from his computer and eyed Tao.

"I believe it was Child Molestation." His voice was clear and confidant. He knew he'd get out of this.

"Do you have a plea? Explanation? Anything?" He began to type again.

"Actually, I do." Tao looked over at Langen and nodded. Langen stood and shot small blasts into each man. The men froze and remained completely still. "Now, you four. Listen to me very carefully. I, General Tao, am indefinitely innocent. The man you are looking for is Jasper Younkin. You'll find incriminating evidence in his home behind a vent in his bedroom. If asked why you were at his house, you will say you were called for a domestic dispute by his neighbour. You search his house because he had some marijuana on him, you smelled it." He paused. "I expect to have my reputation restored and all charges dropped, also, I require immunity. Understand?"

The four nodded.

"Splendid. Now, remove these dastardly things from my wrists." The cuffs were removed. Tao rubbed his wrists. "That is all. You may go. Also, you don't remember this conversation."

The four walked out of the room one by one and disappeared behind the door. Tao smiled to himself. Once again, he was fee to do as he pleased.


	4. Comfortably Numb

**A/N:** This was more of an events chapter... Nothing too exciting happens but it goes into depth with Vegeta's disease. Umm... Feelings are changing especially in the future chapters. I'm certainly not finished with Tao yet xD All hell will break loose with that lol

* * *

Over some time, Goku's nightmares were becoming worse. From sleep deprivation, he often hallucinated Tao. He'd quiver in the corner of his room like a baby and cry. He felt so weak and helpless. Everything he tried to do was like he was working with a planet strapped to his back. Every slight movement seemed to take even more energy. Just when he thought there wasn't any more energy to be lost, he was yet again proven wrong. Goku didn't understand what was happening. For a few days, he was able to eat and keep things down, he slept like a rock and he was down to only having a panic attack once a week.

Now, it had been three months since Vegeta moved in. Everything was perfect for a week. Then, all of his thoughts returned. Vegeta had tried to help, but he seemed preoccupied. He spent most of his tome talking to Bulma on the phone. He'd change the subject every time Goku walked into the room. Goku had tried to listen in once, but somehow Vegeta knew and then he'd leave for a few hours. Goku knew he'd go to Bulma's and come back, but his anxiety wouldn't calm. Once Vegeta would leave, Goku went into violent anxiety attacks. Just being alone scared him now. Before seemed like a piece of cake.

It was one of those nights. A night that Vegeta would be gone for a few hours. He and Goku sat on the couch in silence. Vegeta knew how Goku got when he left, but he still went anyway. Despite Goku's pleas. It was always classified as 'important'.

Vegeta tapped his foot impatiently as Goku bounced his leg.

"You know that I have to go." Vegeta said in a plain voice.

"I know."

"We go through this every time I have to leave."

"I know."

"Then why do you freak out?" This time, Vegeta made direct eye contact with Goku.

"I don't know..." Goku scratched the back of his head. "I guess I just don't like being alone. I'm anxious just sitting here waiting for you to leave because I know it's going to happen." Goku ran his hands down his face.

"I'll be back." Vegeta urged.

"I know you will. I guess I'm just paranoid." He looked at his feet shyly.

"Why don't you just come with me? You can see your harpy and your brats." He looked slightly hopeful.

"N-no I can't." Both of Goku's legs began to bounce. "I don't want them to worry and I don't and them to say anything or feel any sympathy." His breathing became erratic.

"Kakarott," Vegeta said calmly as he held both of Goku's knees still. "It's okay, it was just a suggestion." He swallowed and pulled away. "They don't know anything anyway." Vegeta said uneasily.

"You didn't tell them?!" Goku's chest filled with joy? Is that what that feels like?

"No, Kakarott. The only one I told was Bulma. You know she wouldn't say anything. I thought maybe you'd want to tell them once you're better." His face was red. Usually Vegeta looked for any way to humiliate Goku. This would've been the icing on the cake.

"What if I don't get better." His voice was hardly audible. It wasn't a question.

"You will." Vegeta reassured him. "That's why I'm here. I'm no therapist but I'm sure as hell trying." He confided.

"You're doing fine. Especially for someone who hated me, or still does. You distract me from my mind. Why do you even care, Vegeta?" Goku sat on the edge of the couch with his chin in his hand.

Vegeta chuckled nervously to himself. In that moment, Goku couldn't believe how cute Vegeta was. His face was three different shades of red and so was his neck. The very tips of his ears were even red. However, through the redness, he still maintained a small smile. The nervous chuckle wasn't forced, it was genuine. He'd never seen Vegeta so at ease. So relaxed. It was a nice change from the usual pissy Vegeta. The first month was very uneasy for them both and now it was like they were family. Only, one shouldn't be attracted to their family member. Was that was he was? Was he, Son Goku, attracted to a man? Let alone the man who wanted to kill him all his life. The man who was the same race and same origin. The man that could sit and talk about one subject for longer than a few minutes. The man who came to his rescue when he needed him most. The only one who challenged him to become stronger and pushed him to the edge every time they spared... Was that what he was? Attracted both mentally and physically to Vegeta. That couldn't b-

"Kakarott, did you hear me?" Vegeta was now standing by the door.

"W-what?" Goku shook his head quickly to toss any thoughts.

"I said I'm leaving." Vegeta sighed.

"You didn't answer my question." Goku wasn't stupid.

"I answered you. Clearly you were too deep in La-La land to hear me." Vegeta crossed his arms over his chest.

Goku stared at him doe eyed.

"I'm not repeating myself. If you still remember when I get back, I'll tell you." He confided then opened the front door. "Come up and lock this." He said as he backed out slowly.

Goku stood and walked over to the door. The door was the same metal at before except it could actually be opened. He stood by the opening as Vegeta shuffled for something in his bag.

"I'll be back as soon as I can. I have my keys, so you don't have to wait up-"

"You know I'm going to." Goku interrupted him.

"I was just going to say that." He left his bag rest against his leg. "Try to stay calm okay? Do you have the cell phone I bought you?"

Goku pulled the skinny phone from his pocket and held it in front of Vegeta. Vegeta pulled his out and held it next to Goku's. "If anything goes wrong, if you feel like you might have a panic attack, even just the feeling, you call me straight away. Am I clear?" His voice was stern.

Goku nodded uneasily. Vegeta turned to leave, but before he could get out of arm's length, Goku grabbed Vegeta's wrist and pulled him into him. Goku buried his face in the crook of Vegeta's neck. His breathing was uneven, he thought he might even cry. Goku kept his large arms wrapped around Vegeta. He clenched him so tightly, it felt like he was going to fuse with him again. Vegeta had just rhythmically rubbed Goku's back. Vegeta pulled Goku off gently and brushed himself off. Once again, in all the little places Goku noticed Vegeta blush, they did. Except this time, there wasn't a smile on his face. There was a slight frown in places of the smile, he was shaking slightly. He clenched his fits together to keep from shaking. It wasn't anger emanating from him, it felt more like confusion. Certainly not a normal thing for Vegeta.

"I'll be back. Call me if needed." He spoke like a disappointed father. He clenched his fists again and took off into the night sky.

Goku flew behind the door and slammed it shut. He pushed the door six times to make sure it was closed. Then, he worked his way from the top to the bottom. There were ten locks on the door, a chain one, the knob, and the rest were deadbolts. Almost automatically, he walked around to every window and checked to make sure it was locked. Finally, he reached Vegeta's room. He pushed the door open with his fingers gently, keeping a fighting stance. A cool breeze swept past Goku's cheek. He flinched a little. As he walked in, he kicked two thick wooden planks. Those look like the ones on the windows... The gears in his brain began to turn. He ran up to Vegeta's only window and ripped the thick curtains back. The window was un boarded, cracked slightly open and numerous pieces of paper with pot in it sat on the windowsill. Quickly, he gather all of the papers and placed them on the bed. Then he slammed the window shut. As fast as he could, he ran into the laundry room and grabbed a hammer. He slammed the boards against the window and pounded the nails into it frantically. He didn't even notice that he smashed two nails through his hand.

Without much thought, Goku ripped the nails from his hand and readied a ki blast in his hand.

"Tao had to be here." He whispered to himself. "He's been watching... He got in when Vegeta opened the window.." He nearly gasped aloud. With haste, he ran into every room, kicking in the doors and preparing to shoot Tao. After he checked very possible room, he double checked each window and any opening again. This time he was sure to board up the secret door.

 _Then, Vegeta pulled out a small circular shaped paper. It resembled a cigarette but it wasn't._

 _"Is that pot?" Goku asked. He knew what it was. He'd seen those in Goten's room._

 _"Yeah." Vegeta lit the little joint._

 _"Why?"_

 _"Because it's the only thing that keeps my PTSD at bay." He covered his mouth..._

He remembered the memory very vividly. Pot. He raced back into Vegeta's room and collected what was left of Vegeta's joints. He spread them out on the kitchen table. Each one only what looked like a butt of a cigarette. Goku gently pulled the paper away and exposed the green. He swept all the green leafy stuff into a pile. There was a fair amount there. If only Goku knew what to do now. He'd never done drugs. He never thought about it either. He was high off of life. But now, it seemed like he needed it. He remembered specifically that Vegeta had lit the joint just like a cigarette. So somehow, Goku had to find something to smoke it with. He sighed.

The one thing he wasn't proud of was lying to Vegeta. A month or so ago, Vegeta had asked if the computer had internet. At first, Goku wasn't going to lie, but when he asked why... Vegeta had said they needed to cut off anyway of seeing current news, Chichi's orders. The thing was, if they were Chichi's orders, then Vegeta would've already known that the computer had internet. So he told him no, that the bill ran out and it needed paid before it would work again. He sat down roughly at the desk and shook the mouse viciously. The screen roared to life. Within minutes, the main screen came up. Goku clicked on the internet symbol and typed 'how to smoke pot". Goku clicked on the first link, which was a wikihow page. The description had promised pictures and a step by step process.

The first step was to buy 'weed/pot'. He scrolled until he was halfway down the page. It had a picture of multiple devices. All used to smoke pot. Quickly, he pulled his phone from his pocket and took a picture of the computer screen. Once again, he was in Vegeta's room snooping around in his stuff. He tried his best to not move anything too much. He held the picture in front of him and began to shuffle things around. It felt like he'd been looking for hours. Nothing came up and Goku was getting violent. He felt like that was the only thing that could help him. The slightest ray of hope for a better life. He plopped down on Vegeta's bed and ran his hands through his hair. He sighed loudly to express his annoyance to no one and laid back on Vegeta's pillow. There was something hard under his pillow. Goku found that out when he slammed his head against it. He grabbed the pillow and whipped it at the wall. Under it, was a small piece of glass. There was a dip on the far end and a smaller hole on the other. It was purple and blue, just like his blanket. He pulled the picture back up on his phone. The item was a 'pipe' and it was commonly used for smoking pot. Goku smiled widely and ran into the kitchen.

Shortly after attempting to put the pieces in the pipe, Goku found that he couldn't breathe hard or he'd blow it away. With the help of the internet, he 'packed' the pipe well and had located a lighter.

He breathed in and out slowly, just as he and Vegeta had practiced. He light the lighter and sucked the second it hit the pot. Then releasing his finger, he took in a deep breath. He doubled over and began to cough like a child with a cold. The heat went up like a rocket. He was so hot he began to sweat. Eventually he gained his breathing back and rested his head on the table. He had to keep going. Again, he repeated the same process, coughing and all, until all the pot was gone. He really realised he was 'high' when he stood up and a strange numbness filtered from his feet up to his head. He felt so tried he could just fall over where he was. He was so concentrated on feeling the high that for the time being, he'd nearly forgotten all about Tao.

* * *

Vegeta stood in Bulma's lab as she yelled at someone on the phone. He tapped his foot to the beat of the music she had playing. He couldn't help but be worried. Goku hadn't called him and usually he did at least twice in an hour. It had been four hours and not a single call. Not that he'd lower himself to call the baka. Vegeta smirked. That'd be the day. Vegeta couldn't even get his phone to work half the time let alone use it to call someone. He only knew how to answer calls, not make them.

Bulma twisted around in her chair as she slammed the phone on the receiver. "Fuckin idiots." She scolded.

"Are you done?" Vegeta stood next to her desk as she downed a cup of coffee.

She stuck her tongue out at him and turned back to her computer. "What were we saying before we were rudely interrupted?"

"About Tao's records?" Vegeta was getting annoyed.

"Ohhh right." She typed frantically on her computer. "I hacked the hospital records and made it so Tao has to stay there longer. He was supposed to get out today."

"I know that." Vegeta spat as he scowled.

"Seeing how he managed to get the charges dropped and pinned on someone else, I don't think any amount of hacking is going to keep him there. The staff will notice the mess up and release him within a day or two." She sat back in her chair and puffed on her cigarette. "How's Goku?"

"The baka is fine." He stated.

She giggled to herself. "What's crawled up your ass? Getting tired of Goku already?"

"No, I just hate keeping this from him." He blushed again.

Bulma stared at him with a blank expression then recovered herself quickly. "Why does THAT bother you?" She lent forward in her chair.

He scoffed. "Because the man violated a saiyan and god only knows how many children. Kakarott should know the man is awake and isn't getting hung for his indiscretions."

"Do you have any idea what this information would do to him?" She eyed Vegeta.

"I'm not saying tell him now. I'm saying to tell him once Tao dies or goes back into a coma again."

"Do you know how unlikely it is for him to go back into a coma? The news said he's thriving and expecting a full recovery. Unless he got shot again, I don't see him going into another coma." She sat back in her chair and tilted her head away.

"I'll tell him when I kill him then!" Vegeta screamed.

"Oh shut up." She said sarcastically as she scrolled through documents on her computer. "You won't kill him. He's the closest you've had to a friend since Ratiz." She waved her hand in the air.

Vegta grunted and lent against her desk again. "We've gotta keep that piece of shit off the streets then. I can go in tomorrow and see what kind of security he has."

"No." Bulma stood. "I'll go. They can't do anything to me in public. I'll text you when I find something out. Besides, they won't think a pretty little hing like me would be harmful." She smirked.

"You know I can't work my phone half. Just call me."

"Fine now go home to Goku. He hasn't called you all day." She shooed him towards the door.

He grumbled then walked out of her lab.

He arrived home at almost 10:30pm. That had been the latest he'd ever been. It was an accident. He didn't expect to be at Bulma's so long. Vegeta yanked his keys from his pocket and pursued to unlock all ten locks. He knew that Goku locked them. Especially when Vegeta was gone. All the locks opened with ease. He slipped inside and shut the door behind him, being sure to lock every single one.

"Kakarott?" He called. The house was exactly the way he left it before he left. Then, he heard snoring.

Vegeta walked very quietly to the couch. Goku was out like a light. He was even drooling. For once, he looked very peaceful. Vegeta sighed and walked around the couch. On the floor, was his pipe and the bag he kept his marijuana in. Annnnnd the bag was empty. Vegeta sighed even louder and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"How did you even know how to pack a bowl, you dolt." He picked the pipe up and placed it on the coffee table.

Goku was definitely out. It was the longest Vegeta had seen Goku sleep since he moved in. It was nice to not be so worried for once. Carefully, he placed his arms under Goku's legs and neck. For whatever reason, Vegeta didn't want to leave him out on the couch. He lifted Goku with ease and began to carry him.

"I'm sorrwy, Vegeta." Goku opened his eyes lightly.

"Whatever. We'll talk in the morning." Why aren't I mad?

Goku smiled slightly and closed his eyes again. Vegeta pushed Goku's door open with his foot and set Goku on his bed. Vegeta turned on his heel and headed for the door.

"Vegeta?" Goku's voice was groggy and tired.

"Hm?"

"Will you sleep with me tonight? Like just in here."

"Absolutely not." Vegeta kept his voice stern. His body wanted him to. He wanted to and he didn't understand why.

"Oh... Okay." He'd never heard Goku so hurt. "Some other night then..."

"Yeah." Vegeta went to leave again but his brain wouldn't let him. "Why do you want me to?"

"I didn't understand what alone meant until you left. Even if it is just for a few hours. I don't mean to sound needy, I'm just saying that when you're around... I don't feel so lonely."

"Do you now?" Vegeta asked the darkness.

"Not as much. Talking to you helps because you understand. I guess I just wanted to experiment by sleeping in the same room with you, now that I'm actually tired."

"Well we both know why that is, you dolt, you smoked all my weed." Vegeta shook his fist.

"I'm sorry." His lips actually worked that time. "Night 'Geta." Goku rolled over onto his stomach.

Vegeta pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed loudly. "I'll be over goddamnit!" He rushed off to his room.

Just as expected, his room was a disaster. Now all of his belongings were mixed in with Goten's. He groaned and grabbed a pair of sweatpants. Vegeta ignored the mess and grabbed his blanket. He ran back into Goku's room and shut the door behind him. Vegeta sat down on the bed smashed his hands into a pillow. Goku watched him with sleepy, high eyes. Then, Vegeta got up and went to change in the bathroom.

He came back out leaped into the bed and wrapped himself in his blanket. Goku laughed loudly.

"Did you just fly into the bed?" He was still laughing hardly.

"Yes, it's cold in here."

Goku continued to laugh.

"Take some damn blanket and shut the hell up I'm tired."

Goku took some of the blanket and rolled over. "Night 'Geta."

"Hn." Vegeta closed his eyes and made an attempt to sleep.

Goku snored away behind him. Vegeta could feel the heat emanating off of him. The man was a literal furnace. Very slightly, Vegeta inched his body closer to the sleeping Goku. The closer he got, the warmer and sleepier he became. He was almost certain he and Goku were touching, but he was too tired to care. He left all of his worries go and fell into oblivion.

* * *

The next morning Vegeta woke and walked into his bedroom. He'd slept all through the night. So did Goku.

"Wake n bake." He whispered to himself.

He searched through all of his boxes and containers. It was ALL gone. Even the backup jar. Vegeta sat in the middle of his ruined room. Goku stood in the door opening rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Vegeta, are you alright?"

"You smoked all of my pot? All of it. Even the stuff I had hidden in my bag." Vegeta's voice was shaky.

Goku scratched the back of his head and giggled shyly. "I'm sorry 'Geta... I didn't mean to but I just felt so good I wanted to keep going."

Vegeta stood quickly. "Kakarott you know that I needed it! Why would you do that?!" He didn't realise he was yelling.

"I just thought you could get more.." Goku hung his head in shame. "Can't you?"

"Yes but my dealer is two hours away! I'll be full panicking before I could even make it half way..." Vegeta looked at his hands. He wasn't sure what would happen. He knew that every time he closed his eyes in the next hour, he'd be writhing with pain. It'd been years since he last had the visions. Now he wasn't sure how bad it could get.

"It okay Vegeta. I'm here. I'll help you-"

"No Kakarott, you can't even help yourself how do you expect to help me?" Vegeta pushed past Goku and entered the kitchen. "I'm going to call him and try to go get it.." He picked up the house phone.

"A-are you sure you should do that? Flying will make it worse won't it?"

Vegeta sighed and shook his head. "I have to try. I don't know what'll happen if I lose control."

"The worst thing you can do is go out by yourself! If you lose control in the air..."

"Kakarott," Vegeta pinched the bridge of his nose. "I have to." With that, he turned and walked toward the door.

Goku ground his teeth together in terror. "Fine! Promise me you'll call if you feel it coming, okay? And call me after you get half way?"

"Fine. Same for you." Vegeta turned on his heel and disappeared into the light.

* * *

It'd been thirty minutes and Goku was two breaths away from a panic attack. He could feel the pressure building in his chest. The worry he was feeling made him shake with apprehension. He sat against the door holding his phone in the dark. Goku gasped aloud. Vegeta doesn't know how to make calls! He smacked himself in the head several times before he stood and dialled Vegeta's number. The line rang and ran. No answer. He called again and again.

"Come on Vegeta!" He screamed into the phone. "Answer your fucking phone!"

Finally, the other line picked up.

"Vegeta?!" Goku wailed frantically.

"Kakarott?" His voice was shaky like before.

"Are you alright?!"

"I don't know where I am..." Vegeta's breathing was erratic.

"What do you mean? Are you okay, Vegeta? Answer me dammnit!"

"I-I don't know where I am." He stuttered. "I can feel it.."

"What?!"

"It's coming... It always starts with temporary memory loss..."

"No, no, Vegeta! Everything's fine! You're fine.. Just turn around and come home..."

"I have to get my shit, Kakarott. I can't."

"Yes you can Vegeta! Get back here now!" Goku never was good at yelling at someone. Especially not Vegeta, but this was a life or death situation.

"What are you doing here you bastard? Kakarott killed you!" The line cut in and out as Vegeta seemed to be talking to someone else.

"Vegeta! He's not real! Listen to me-" The other end of the line went dead.

Goku slammed his phone on the table and ran back to his room to get dressed. He had to go get him. He flew back out to the door and rested his head on it. It was going to take everything he had to go. The outside terrified him even more now that he was debating on leaving. No, not debating... Going. He unlocked all the locks and grabbed the knob. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. With one swift movement, he opened the heavy door. Light poured in along with a light breeze. Goku shielded his eyes. It was a lot brighter than he expected. He began to tremble. It felt like his heart was in his throat, ready to jump out. The tightness in his chest tightened. He took a step, the grass swallowed his shoe. Another, the grass had both of his feet. His legs were like jelly. It was harder for him to keep his balance. He breathed in and out slowly, attempting to keep his panic attack at bay... Slowly, he moved his hands from his eyes. The sky was clear and blue. Despite Goku's horror, it was a beautiful day out. Tapping into only a morsel of his power, he lifted from the ground slightly. His breathing increased until he was unable to stop hyperventilating.

"No... I have... To go.." He struggled to breath. He was having a panic attack.

Vegeta was approximately thirty minutes away. Goku didn't know if he could make it all the way, but he'd be damned if he didn't try.

Breathing quicker, he ascended into the sky at a slow, steady rate. The higher he got, the harder it was to breathe. Just above the tree line, he hovered. He closed his eyes and tried to control his breathing. After failing, he began to fly in Vegeta's direction. He felt like all of his power diminishing quickly. The panic attack was taking too much energy. No.. I won't give up.. I made it this far. Pushing what was left of his energy to his feet, he blasted off after Vegeta.

The journey proved difficult. Goku would black out and fall for a few seconds, then catch himself and keep going. His body was deprived of air. It was going to give out soon. Goku was five minutes out. Five minutes. Once again, taking energy from himself, he blasted off faster.

He approached a clearing. The ground was mostly dirt with grass on the outskirts. Goku lowered himself slowly. His ki gave out just before his feet hit the ground. He fell to his knees and held his heaving chest. Out of the bush, Vegeta ran out. He turned around and aimed a blast into the sky. He shot blast after blast into the sky, screaming curses.

"Vegeta!" Goku yelled.

Vegeta shot one more blast before he ducked down and ran over to Goku. "Where's the spirit bomb?!" He yelled angrily.

"There isn't one... Vegeta!" His arm gave out and he fell onto the dirt.

"What do you mean? Now what are we going to kill Buu with?!" He looked back at Goku. "Get off the ground Kakarott! And stop breathing like that! What's wrong with you?!" His pupils were dilated like he was on drugs and he'd broken out into a cold sweat.

"I'm having... A panic attack!"

Vegeta grunted and shot another blast into the sky. "Get up!" He yanked on Goku's arm. "Get up and take cover! We don't have much time!" Vegeta continued to shot blasts into the sky while he walked Goku to the tree line. He dropped Goku against a tree and stood in front of him ready to fight. Vegeta fell to the ground and covered his head.

"Vegeta!" Goku yelled. "This isn't real! Buu is dead! We killed him!"

"Are you blind?! He's right there Kakarott!" Vegeta pointed into the sky.

"No... No Vegeta! Snap out of it please!" His lungs were starting to quiver. His words were barely audible.

Goku slid his achy body down the trunk of the tree. He pushed on his chest. Vegeta kneeled beside him.

"Vegeta... Please... you're okay everything is okay just breathe." Goku tried to take his own advice.

Vegeta continued to flinch and take cover. "I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Vegeta!" Goku grabbed Vegeta's face and forced him to look into his eyes. "None of this is real! You're having flash backs! Just open your eyes and see!"

Vegeta went into a trance. All Goku could hear was Vegeta's rapid heart slow and his breathing quiet. His hands stopped trembling. Goku struggled to keep his eyes open. He was so tired. Everything around him was fading.

"Kakarott?" Vegeta blinked and looked around quickly. "What happened?" He rubbed his head.

Goku's neck went numb. His head tilted to the side, no longer able to hold itself up. He saw Vegeta shake him. Saw him talk. Watched his lips move but nothing came out. No words. Vegeta picked him up like a baby and began to walk. Goku watched the light blur and disappear behind his eye lids.

He came to again, this time he was in his house. He recognised the ceiling above the couch in the living room. He still couldn't move. He couldn't find his limbs. Then, Vegeta was in his face feeling his head while he seemed to yell at someone on the phone. Vegeta continued to yell into the phone, then he threw it. He held two ice packs to Goku's cheeks. Goku closed his eyes again.


	5. Failure to Spare

I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while ;-; A lot has been going on! Anyhow this chapter is juicy. Like oh lawd. Next chapter will be extra EXTRA juicy. So stay tuned!

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Goku woke to the sound of glass smashing linoleum. He flipped himself from his bed and flew into the kitchen. Vegeta stood in front of the fridge with a piece of glass in his hands. He was trembling and his hands were bloody. He was staring at his hands with a confused look on his face. Goku walked closer to him, but Vegeta threw himself backwards and took a fighting stance.

"Vegeta..." Goku extended his arm out to Vegeta. "It's me... Goku. I'm not going to hurt you."

He tried to get closer but Vegeta lunged forward and plunged the piece of glass into Goku's right shoulder. Goku trembled backwards and caught himself on the counter. Vegeta stared at him in disbelief. Goku tried to walk towards him again but Vegeta went around the counter.

"Get the hell away from me!" Vegeta yelled.

"Vegeta! Snap out of it!" With that, Goku jumped over the counter and pinned Vegeta to the floor. Vegeta thrashed violently beneath him screaming bloody murder. Goku wrapped his hands around Vegeta's wrists tightly and sat on his pelvis. Vegeta hissed and kicked his legs. Realising he was defeated, he glared angrily at Goku.

"What are you gonna do Buu? Rape me?" He smirked.

"No." Goku said lightly. He climbed off of Vegeta and sat next to him.

Vegeta sat up and looked at him with a strange look. He rubbed his head. "What happened?" He looked puzzled.

"You snapped again." Goku said as he stood and winced as he touched his bleeding shoulder.

"Did I do that to you?" Vegeta also stood and approached Goku.

Goku nodded.

"Then at least let me fix it." Vegeta disappeared into the hall way and returned with a towel and hydrogen peroxide. "Sit." He ordered.

Goku sat at the kitchen table. With one quick yank, Vegeta pulled the glass from Goku's shoulder. Goku screamed and smashed his fist into the table.

"Oh shut up you big baby." Vegeta dumped the peroxide on him and pressed the towel to it firmly. "Why were we on the floor?"

Goku sighed. "I attacked you in an attempt to calm you down. You fought me, then when you realised you couldn't get free, you asked me if I was going to rape you." Goku blushed a little when he heard himself say it aloud. Once again that weird feeling came back.

"Keep pressure on that." Vegeta grabbed Goku's hand and placed it over his own. Attempting to keep pressure. Goku looked at Vegeta with wide, curious eyes. Vegeta stared back. Goku couldn't read what he was feeling. His eyes were a mess of emotion. Something was definitely bothering him.

Vegeta pulled his hand away and pinched the bridge of his nose. He sat next to Goku and rested his head on the table. "I don't know how else to deal with this shit in my head." He confessed.

"We'll figure it out. I'm here for you, and you're here for me. Maybe we can figure it out." Goku lifted the towel to look at his wound but Vegeta slapped his hand over Goku's.

"I told you to keep pressure on it." Goku winced at the extra pressure.

"Ight I got it."

"You're a sentimental bastard, Kakarott." He rested his head again but faced Goku.

"Is that a bad thing?" Goku raised one eyebrow.

"I guess not." Vegeta looked at his finger.

"You're just not used to someone being nice and helpful. Don't worry though, you'll get used to it." Goku giggled.

Vegeta blushed and got up quickly. "I don't understand how you can be so nice to me after everything I've put you and this planet through. I traumatised your son, killed your friends, and mocked you for years. That kind of ignorance would make me hate the person."

Goku sighed. "It's easy for me Vegeta. I know who you are deep down and I understand it."

Vegeta scoffed. "And who am I deep down?"

"Well," Goku cleared his throat nervously. "I know that you're whole childhood was spent trying to live up to your father. You grew up learning everything the hard way, even though you are royalty. You're teen years and adulthood were spent serving someone who touched you and was stronger than you. You tried your hardest to become the best, but it always ended up crumbling around you. The first real challenge you had, was the first time you opened your eyes to how messed up everything was. You yearned for your freedom, and standing up to the man who hurt you in more than one way, took everything you had. Including your life. The next years were spent trying to prove to yourself that you didn't need anyone else. You trained and trained. Sometimes to the point where you couldn't move for a week. You tried to blame everything on me, when I was the first person to show you mercy. I was the first person who gave you hope. You saw my life, my friends, my happiness, and you wanted that. So you despised me for years. Blamed your unhappiness on me. Blamed it on your body. Since you were a child, it was drilled into your head that you were to be the best. Now you're conflicted because someone is physically stronger than you. It goes against everything you were brought up to believe. Only now can I see the sadness you harbour deep down inside. You feel worthless and irrelevant. You mask it with your pride and sense of know how. The fight with Buu bothers you because that was the first time you thought about someone other than yourself. It attacks you because of your lack of esteem." Goku searched the prince's eyes. Vegeta stared at him with a blank, emotionless face. His hands trembled slightly. "Also, a part I didn't figure out yet, there's something about you that's different from most. You posses a dark secret that has never left your mouth."

Vegeta raised his hand to stop Goku. "That's enough." His voice was low and disturbed. "How could you possibly be able to tell all of that without mind reading or something?"

Goku laughed lightly. "If I could read minds Vegeta, I'd know what secret you're keeping." Goku sat back in his chair and crossed his legs. "I'm just good at reading body language and understanding pain."

Vegeta sat back down and covered his face with his hands. "You're right. I think everything you said is right."

"Oh, I know for a fact it is." Goku lent forward. "Now what's that secret?"

Vegeta looked up and shoved Goku lightly. The embarrassment was evident on his face. "I don't have a blasted secret!"

Goku laughed. "Okay Vegeta."

Vegeta grunted with frustration and walked to the kitchen sink. His face was still red with embarrassment as he looked at his hands. Goku chuckled and stood across from him.

Vegeta looked away and tapped his finger on the sink impatiently. "Okay Mr. Phycologist," Vegeta stared into Goku's soul. "if you're so sure you've got me all figured out, how can I deal with the PTSD without drugs?"

Goku stared at his hands. He certainly was no shrink. In all honesty, he really didn't know what Vegeta could do. Was there much he could do?

"You need something or someone to distract you. Much like I do. That's all I can think of.. You need someone who makes you feel good." Goku met Vegeta's eyes again. The prince looked defeated. Even he didn't know what to do.

Without even thinking, Goku cupped Vegeta's restless hand and pressed it between his own. Goku rested his head on their hands. Vegeta didn't pull away. Goku looked at Vegeta again. His gaze was fixed on him and Goku's hands. Surely the same questions were circulating in Vegeta's mind as well, right? Goku could feel Vegeta's heart race, his pulse was rapid. He could hear it even from the distance he was. For whatever reason, Goku didn't want to let go. It felt right. Then, Vegeta's phone started blaring. Using his free hand, he looked at the caller ID. A worried look came over him and he stood and walked away quickly. Normally, Goku didn't budge into other people's buissness, but now it felt like Vegeta's life was his life. He snuck around the corner and stood with his ears pressed to Vegeta's bedroom door. Still not being sure about saiyan biology, he wasn't sure if his hearing was supposed to be better than a human's or not. Maybe if he concentrated enough he'd get his answer.

He closed his eyes and concentrated on the sound of the voice on the other line.

 _Vegeta, there's nothing else I can do._ The voice was Bulma's. It was nice to hear her again.

Vegeta's voice was low and conflicted. "What's going on so far? Try to keep calm. I think I might be getting somewhere with Kakarott."

She sighed. _I was able to make the hospital keep him a little longer but it's only a matter of time before he gets someone to let him out. Right now, it looks like he's trying to make himself look better by staying. If he really wanted, he could be out now._ She sounded like she was panicking.

 _Who was she talking about?_

Goku imagined Vegeta pinching the bridge of his nose. "If Kakarott found out he was awake and functioning, everything we've been working on will be for nothing. Keep trying. If anyone can do it, you can. I gotta go, he'll be wondering what's happening." He hung his phone up and sighed louder.

Goku couldn't keep the tears from running. The words kept repeating over and over in his head. _If kakarott found out he was awake…._ His chest was on fire. Tao was awake. Who else would Goku care about being awake? He ran frantically to his room and sat against the door. His chest was shuttering. His legs and arms were becoming numb with each passing second. He closed his eyes tightly, then opened them again to find Vegeta sitting in front of him shaking his knee.

"Kakarott? What's wrong?"

"Please tell me it isn't true?!" The tears streamed down his cheeks as he tried to keep himself calm.

Vegeta seemed to freeze in time. His face contorted with guilt. "What are you-"

Goku held his hand up. "Don't even _fucking_ lie to me Vegeta."

Vegeta sat across from Goku and ran his hand through his hair. "Tell me what you heard and I'll confirm it."

"Is Tao awake?" Goku's voice shook with every word.

"Yes." Goku heard him, but his ears weren't working. Nothing was working. He was seeing red. He'd been lied to, had important things kept from him. Now he was seeing red, and everything was flashing before him. The next thing he knew, he was in the air flying at full speed, and the rain pounded him in the face, masked his tears, and made him cold and numb. A flash again, and he was standing in the hospital lobby. The nurse at the desk look terrified as he demanded to know where Tao was at.

He tried to stop but his anger overcame him. Then his whole outlook changed. He wanted Tao dead. Goku was lucid. He walked through the hallway in a calm fashion, conforming to the ways of society. He couldn't feel anything. His hands tingled from the cold rain that was still dripping from his hands. His brain had never been so clear. He knew exactly what he was doing. Nothing, no one, was going to stop him. Goku would not allow another child, another life, become traumatised by his own demon. Life was too valuable for it.

The next thing he knew, he was tackled and pinned to the inside of an on-call room. Vegeta pressed Goku's wrists to the wall, almost breaking it.

"Kakarott listen to me! You're not thinking straight. You're driven by anger! This won't solve anything!" Vegeta was drenched, clearly he'd flown behind Goku the whole way.

"I've never felt more alive." Goku's voice was monotone. "Now please remove your hands from me before I have to do it forcefully."

"Kakarot, please! Listen to me! This isn't like you. Snap out of it!" Vegeta shook Goku's shoulders.

"Vegeta," Goku cupped Vegeta's face and looked him in the eyes. "I'm doing this. I am aware of my actions. I need this and you won't stop me." With that he smashed his lips to Vegeta's without even a thought, then IT'd out of the room. The hallway was crowded, and Goku fit easily into the crown. He walked normally, with his hands pressed into his pockets and a smile on his face. He approached the room that Tao dwelled in. He opened the door slowly and closed his behind him, taking extra crae to lock it.

"Ah, nurse, my sweet, please do get the doctor, I'm feeling much, much better, and I'd like to get back to protecting this state." His voice ran in Goku's ears. Luckily he didn't see him yet. Goku stood behind curtain and prepared himself. Things were starting to get blurry. He stepped out from behind the curtain and stood before Tao.

Tao looked up from his papers. A wide, delighted smile came about his face. "Ah, Goku. To what do I owe this pleasant visit from such an old friend?"

"We are not friends." It took everything Goku had to not shoot the man in cold blood, right there in his pathetic hospital bed.

Tao laughed and placed his papers on the table beside him. "Well, loves may be more appropriate. What can I do you for?"

Goku's breathing started to increase. "Stop it."

Tao laughed again and Goku thought he might vomit. "Come now. Don't act like you didn't like our time together. I remember the way you looked at me after." Tao seemed to be caught up in his memories.

Goku couldn't hold the tears. Still this man tormented him and he didn't have the audacity to even look him in the eyes. "You _raped_ me, I hate you."

"Oh, Goku. No need for hate. I'm glad I could help you out in your time of need. Isn't your life so much nicer now that I showed you a new light? I'm surprised you still remember. It was quite a while ago."

Goku snapped. Everything went black, this time. He became lost in his mind.

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Vegeta raced down the hall at lightning speed shoving people into walls and throwing furniture. He stopped a doctor in the hall and got Tao's room number, then raced down the hall again. He arrived at the door and pounded on it frantically.

"Kakarott! Kakarott open the door! Don't do this!" Vegeta busted the window in and unlocked the door.

Vegeta ran in and shut the door behind him, locking once more. He approached the bed slowly. With one swift movement he moved the curtain out of the way. Tao lied motionless on the bed while Goku was on top of him, holding a pillow to Toa's face with all his might.

"You hurt me! You hurt me!" Goku cried the words over and over. The tears ran down his face with a mixture of blood from the scrapes on his cheeks.

"Kakarott," Vegeta rubbed Goku's back. "he's dead Kakarott…"

"He hurt me, he hurt mee." Goku rocked back and forth crying the words.

"It's okay, Kakarott. You did it you ended him.. Come on, we need to leave." Vegeta grabbed Goku's arm and pulled him from the bed.

Goku's legs gave out. He sat on his knees slumped over. "Why does it still hurt? Whyyy?" as Goku drug out the letters, he sobbed.

Vegeta knelt next to him and rubbed his shoulder. "It's going to be okay. I promise. I'm here."

Goku went to fall into the floor, but Vegeta pulled him into his chest and ran his fingers though his hair. Goku cried himself into exhaustion in Vegeta's arms.

Vegeta stood, carrying Goku like a baby. Vegeta had never seen someone so traumatised. In his life, he's seen some gruesome things, but this was too much. Maybe it was because he cared. That because he cared about Goku, seeing him in pain was worse than anything he'd ever seen. Vegeta could feel Goku's pain. Could see it. He walked out of the hospital with the young saiyan wrapped around him. He blasted off into the rainy, dull sky.

Vegeta pressed Goku's face into his chest. He didn't even notice he was trying to put Goku's wellbeing before his own. Vegeta's mind was utter kayos. First, it was telling Goku about Tao. He rarely ever told the truth. Secondly, it was Goku kissing him. The action terrified him because he didn't know what it meant or how he felt about it. He was scared to think about it too long for frea he might have wanted it. Third, it was seeing Goku in so much pain, he wanted to _save_ him. The Prince was becoming soft, but for whatever reason, it didn't make him upset. He was willing to become 'soft' for Goku. Goku needed stability and Vegeta knew he could be that for him. He wanted that for him. Vegeta would fight his PTSD until he couldn't breathe any longer. He found another reason to fight. Goku.

Two and a half hours later, they arrived home. Vegeta carried Goku to his room and covered him with the duvet. Goku clung to Vegeta's body, refusing to let go.

"Please… don't leave." Goku's eyes remained shut. Vegeta wasn't even sure if he knew who he was talking to. "Vegeta. I'm talking to you." Vegeta stared at Goku with wide frightened eyes.

"I won't. Just let me lock the house up and I'll come back."

"Forget it." His voice was monotone again and it scared Vegeta even more. He didn't know what he'd do if Goku was even more broken. Seeing him like this broke his heart.

Vegeta crawled in bed beside Goku. Goku wrapped Vegeta in his giant arms and hid his face in Vegeta's neck. Vegeta could feel Goku's warm tears drip down him.

"Please stop crying.. Everything's okay. I'm here. I won't leave you and I won't hurt you." Vegeta pulled Goku's face from his neck and wiped his tears from his eyes. Vegeta pulled Goku into him tighter. "Just rest."

The day waned into night as the two held each other in complete silence. Talking without words. Without voice.


	6. Oblivion Awaits

**A/N:** I'm sorry guys _ It took me a hell of a lot longer to get this chapter out! A lot of crazy shit has been happing in my life lately and I just now got time to finish this chapter. I am at the point where I need more ideas so if you got any, please please message me and I'll most defiantly give you a shout-out because I'm desperate lol. Anywhore, I hope you enjoy this chapter! I tried to work more on the feelers rather than illness but I did initial intend to being back the darkness in both of their minds. (may the suggestions take that into consideration) Peace out guys! :3

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His head was groggy. Everything he'd done the day before seemed to elude him and Vegeta wouldn't talk about it. Goku couldn't remember anything. He'd woke up wrapped in Vegeta's arms, as if that wasn't weird enough, he couldn't remember how he'd got into bed. He remembered finding out that Tao was awake but the rest of the day after that was a total mystery. Vegeta called it "repressed memories" and wouldn't tell him about the events that happened the day before. He'd said that it would corrupt the way his mind processed things. Fucking Bulma. Obviously she and Vegeta had talked about what happened and she'd gave her doctoral advice. Being the stubborn, bull-headed bastard that Vegeta was, he'd followed her instructions and was adamant about the way they'd be carried out. To reassure Goku, Vegeta had told him that everything would come back to him soon enough.

Speaking of coming back, was Vegeta now permanently sleeping with him? The thought had crossed his mind a few times but he never thought it would actually follow through. When he'd woke up, most of Vegeta's things were piled in his room. Thus, that had made him wonder how long he was out. Physically he felt like he could take on three Cell's but mentally he felt like he could sleep for ten years. His body was achey and weak. Like he'd been sleeping for a few days. Vegeta had told him that he was only out for the night. After finding out about Tao's consciousness, he didn't trust a word Vegeta said anymore. How could he keep something so important from him? Perhaps he didn't remember anything because he'd acted on his emotions and done something he would regret. Thus why his brain was suppressing his memory.

He rubbed his temples and pushed his index and middle fingers firmly into them. Now accustom the grogginess, he had to deal with a head ache that made him wanna blast his head off. He sat at the table slouched over. If it weren't for the muscles and the way his fit body was cut, one would mistake him for a hungover party animal. Not to mention the sickness. It was like he had the flu, but he didn't. Vegeta had been caring for him like the inner housewife that he was. Checking his temperature regularly and being sure he was fed. In some ways, the Prince reminded him of Chichi. It gave him and overwhelming sense of security, but it also brought pain and horrid memories. His wife reminded him of Tao and at the moment, he wanted nothing to do with those thoughts.

"The sickness…. Right." Goku mumbled to himself.

A distraction nonetheless. He had a fever of 110F. Which was a fever for a saiyan apparently. Goku's average body temperatures ranged from 105-107F. He had a stuffed nose and a cough that could wake the dead. His throat burnt with each breath. His body just flat out ached. He turned at the sound of brisk walking to find Vegeta rounding the corner and wrapping a blanket around Goku. He held the phone firmly to his ear with his right shoulder.

"Yes, I know that." Goku could hear Bulma on the other line. He couldn't make out what she was saying. Concentrating made his head hurt more. Vegeta rushed back over to Goku with a bowl of soup. "No I don't remember. I wasn't around for half of Trunks' childhood." He sighed angrily. "Look, I have a lot to do. Thanks for the help." He hung up and sat next to Goku with his hands in his hair.

Goku cleared his throat. "You don't have to babysit me. I've been sick before." He might as well saved his breath because Vegeta paid no mind to his words. Goku could feel how stressed out Vegeta was. He could feel it in his bones. He placed his clammy hand on Vegeta's elbow. "Vegeta, I'll be fine. You just need to calm down and rest. You've been at it all day." Vegeta ripped his arm away and sat with his arms folded and a grimace on his face.

Goku hardly ever cared that Vegeta was upset. This time though, it was his fault. Or was it? Vegeta didn't seem to remember or even be effected by his PTSD when he had something to obsess over. Right now, Goku was what he was obsessing over. Maybe this sickness was a blessing in disguise. He pushed his soup away. It was weird not being hungry. Even before Vegeta, he was hungry but he just couldn't keep anything down. Now, he just wasn't hungry. It was an oddly satisfying feelings. Something he certainly didn't expect.

"You need to eat." Vegeta spoke slowly as he looked toward the living room.

"Not hungry." Goku sat up and let out a breath.

"Don't care." Vegeta said as he pushed the bowl back in front of Goku. "Eat. Or you most defiantly won't get better."

Goku sighed in annoyance. He picked up the spoon and sipped at the broth. Overall, it really wasn't bad soup. Tasted like Chichi's homemade chicken soup. "You're acting like my wife."

"Who do you think has been calling me non-stop? She's been pestering me ever since she found out you were sick. She wants to come here and take care of you. Obviously I told her no, that your treatment didn't require her assistance. That's how I made the soup." He looked at his phone as it vibrated in his hand. "This," he held the phone in Goku's face. "this is what I'm talking about. She's persistent."

Goku giggled lightly. That she certainly was. Part of him missed his family. The old him seemed to seep through every now and again. Still, he couldn't bring himself to allow them around. He didn't want to bring them down with him. Vegeta had the same feeling too. Goku could feel that emanated from him. Even if he couldn't express his feelings as easily as Goku could, Goku could read him like an open book sometimes. Other times though, Goku couldn't read him at all. Like that morning when he woke up in Vegeta's embrace. The look on his face expressed light concern but the rest was emotionless and difficult to give a name. Mixed feelings, Goku decided. When it came to Vegeta's feelings about him, he was at loss. He couldn't find the right adjective to describe the way Vegeta was with him. It was often a lot of ups and downs. One minuet Vegeta was amazing in every way shape or form, and others he was his usual self. It even seemed like a self-defence system. Vegeta always seemed to be fighting feelings away. Always having and internal battle that made him vulgar.

"Do you remember anything?" Vegeta had that same look on his face. His battle hardened features seemed to ponder something. Same as before.

"No…. nothing specific. I told you what I remember." Goku looked over Vegeta's face.

"It's just…. Something happened that's been on my mind.." He pinched the bridge of his nose like he already regretted bringing it up.

"Then tell me. Is this a small detail or…"

"No!" Vegeta's face burnt bright red. He was blushing and Goku found it adorable.

"Vegeta," Goku half laughed through his words. "what is it? Just tell me."

Vegeta growled before he spoke. "You kissed me you dolt!"

 _Ooooooohhhhhhh shit._ Goku stopped dead in his tracks. He kissed Vegeta… AND Vegeta let him? When? He grabbed his head. He was sure his face was as red as Vegeta's… or even worse. He couldn't even find his mouth. It was like his brain imploded. He just stared at Vegeta with his eyes wide and mouth open.

"Well don't just stare at me! What the fuck?" Vegeta's face was still redder than ever.

"I don't know!" Goku's voice broke like a prepubescent boy.

Vegeta stood and growled angrily. "I shouldn't have told you!"

"I'm sure I would've remembered eventually." Goku tried to reason with himself and with Vegeta.

"Yes, but you don't right now, do you?" He turned around quickly to peer at Goku.

"N-no… But I will eventually."

"Eventually."Vegeta repeated then stalked off to the kitchen.

Goku followed quickly behind. "Maybe if you explain it to me I'll remember."

"Explain?!" Vegeta spat the word out like it was a curse word. "I've already embarrassed myself by telling you it even happened!" It was clear that Vegeta was angry.

"Yes just tell me where we were and what might have compelled me to do it." Goku held himself against the island with his arms.

"You act like you didn't want to when you said you were never thinking so clearly in your life." Vegeta tossed diches around in the sink, breaking some between his hands.

Why was Vegeta so bothered by it? Shouldn't he know that Goku wasn't in his right mind? That anything would've felt 'normal' to him? At least, that's what he was told.

Goku chuckled lightly to himself. "You're acting like a girl." Goku watched Vegeta very closely.

"Okay," Vegeta seemed to hold back his anger. His voice shook with his breathing. "fine. Forget I said anything. It's not important. You're recovery is, now get back to bed or something before I have a mental break down."

Honestly, Goku was already feeling better. His head didn't feel as clouded. Time to tell Vegeta how it was.

"You know Vegeta, I'm feeling a lot better. Actually, I would LOVE to hear more about this kiss thing." Goku chuckled again. This time he hit a nerve and Vegeta was fresh out of fucks to give.

"I told Bulma I would play nice until you remembered what you did, but you know what? I really don't care. You know what you did like, a week ago?" Goku's eyes widened. "Yeah, a week ago. You _killed_ Tao. Then you had some kind of break down and passed out for a fucking week. I took care of your sorry ass, I slept with you to make sure you didn't stop breathing in your sleep. I slaved over you, then you wake up and everything's gone. Nice right?" Vegeta scoffed to himself.

Goku couldn't move. Did he really—no. Of course not. Goku didn't just kill people. He couldn't handle seeing Tao, how could he kill him? He could hardly manage knowing he was awake and could terrorise—that was it. Everything came back like a flash. He remembered holding that pillow over Tao's face and feeling the sick-o writhe beneath him. He found pleasure in killing him, and that's what terrified him. That's why it was blocked out for so long. That's why he was in a damn coma. Vegeta actually wasn't lying this time.

"I remember." Was all he could muster. Everything coming back to him at once really messed with his head.

"Oh bullshit!" Vegeta turned around and threw his hands in the air, then he saw the distress on Goku's face and stopped himself. "….shit."

"I don't understand. I didn't do that….. Did I?" Goku's mind was racing. Everything seemed to blur by. All the memories seemed to evade him. To fill him with guilt. Guilt so bad he could actually cry about Tao's death. It felt wrong to mourn the death of the sadistic bastard that traumatised not only his childhood, but many others as well. He felt like his head was going to explode. The headache returned only it was ten times worse than it was before. Goku's ears began to ring, even though he could see and partially hear Vegeta panic, there was nothing he could do.

He fell to his knees and pressed his palms firmly to his temples in an attempt to ease the pain. The pain wouldn't let up. It swirled about in his mind and radiated all through his body. Everything he thought he knew about himself was wrong. It seemed like his life was a lie that he made himself believe. Was there no end? His suffering was evident, but did nothing have mercy on him?

From crouching, his knees gave out and he fell against the island and let it take his weight. Vegeta was beside him trying to talk to him. Trying to calm him down, yet Goku couldn't hear him. He tried to focus his hearing on Vegeta's voice, but the ringing was so loud. Now that the radiating pain ceased, he cupped his ears and concentrated on his breathing. Eventually the ringing went away when his breathing levelled out. Vegeta was still knelt beside him like a loyal dog. Vegeta was staring at Goku with worried pale eyes. Goku turned to rest his back against the island. He inhaled and exhaled slowly as Vegeta remained kneeled.

"Are you okay?" Vegeta seemed to search Goku's eyes for the answer.

"Yeah." Goku pulled himself up with the help of the counter. "I feel like I had an aneurism."

"You don't even know what it's like to have one of those." Vegeta sounded slightly annoyed but more worried that anything.

"Well if I had to guess, I'd say it's pretty close to that. That was horrible."

"What happened?" Vegeta still seemed to search Goku's eyes.

"I don't know." Goku ran his hands through his hair. "Everything came back in a rush. All at once every memory that was suppressed….. however long ago, crashed into my mind. It was like my brain was on fire. The pain from my mind radiated all over my body. My ears were ringing so loud I couldn't hear anything."

"Hm." Vegeta stood and walked back to the sink.

"I do remember kissing you Vegeta." Goku said as he stood next to Vegeta.

Vegeta dropped the dish back into the sink and leaned against the sink. He seemed to ponder his words and stop himself before voicing any of them. "What emotions do you feel towards it?" Vegeta kept his gaze at the sink.

"Um, I don't know… I did it mostly just to distract you so I could get to Tao." Goku rubbed the back of his head nervously.

"So it was nothing to you? Nothing but a distraction."

"Do you want me to feel something towards it?" Goku was confused. What was Vegeta's point?

"No, I'm glad it was nothing to you." Vegeta still kept his gaze at the sink.

"But was it nothing to you?" Goku was still confused and it was difficult to read Vegeta's body language.

"Do you remember reading my mind?" Vegeta was trying to change the subject, and Goku picked up on it.

"No, was the kiss nothing to you, Vegeta?" Goku wasn't about to let the subject go.

"Yes, it was nothing. Are you ill? Why would I be concerned about it?" Vegeta still refused to make eye contact.

"Because you're the one who acted like it was _something_." Goku walked closer to Vegeta.

Vegeta turned his body to face him but kept his eyes pointed at Goku's shoes. He kept his hand on his hip and the other resting on the counter.

"Vegeta," Goku moved a little closer in hopes to make eye contact. "I can't read your mind. If there's something you have to say, just say it."

"You can too read my mind! I heard you." Finally Vegeta looked into Goku's eyes.

"In some aspects I can, but this subject, in your mind, you have a wall up. It's like you're attempting to block out whatever you're feeling." Goku kept his gaze locked on Vegeta.

Vegeta shifted his weight nervously. "How is it you can read my mind so easily? Am I that open of a book?" the question seemed to irritate him.

"I can only do it telepathically with you. I don't know why. With my friends I have to put my hand on their head, but with you, I just have to put myself in your head. I don't know how to explain it. I'm not going to forget about the question I asked you earlier." Goku crossed his arms. He was going to be stubborn about this.

Vegeta looked annoyed. He rolled his eyes and sighed loudly. "This is just something I can't like about nor can I talk about it. Just get into my mind and figure it out yourself. Because honestly, I don't even know what I'm feeling." He turned to walk away but Goku grabbed his arm and pulled him into his body.

Goku pressed Vegeta into him firmly.

Vegeta remained still, but allowed himself to melt into Goku. The feeling was strange and it wasn't his own. The feeling that rolled over him was an overwhelming sense of excitement. Like Vegeta was excited to be in Goku's arms. It was like Goku had no control over himself. His body took over. Goku pulled away from Vegeta and cupped his face between his hands. For what felt like a long time, Goku looked directly into Vegeta's eyes. Goku was consumed by Vegeta. He felt every emotion Vegeta was feeling. Half of him wanted to run away and hide in his room, while the other wanted to remain in Goku's arms until he was content. The yearning for Goku's touch was so strong, and not even Vegeta understood it.

"Just tell me, Vegeta" Goku's voice was monotone again, this time he had control.

"I don't know what this feeling is." Vegeta confessed. His cheeks flushed red. His embracement was evident.

"Don't be embarrassed." Goku ran his thumb across Vegeta's flushed cheek.

Vegeta pulled away in frustration. "Don't patronise me Kakarott! I'm not some pitiful human you can manipulate."

"I'm not trying to manipulate you Vegeta! Why do you always think that someone is out to hurt you all the time? I wouldn't do that! You should know that by now." Goku lent back against the counter and crossed his arms in anger.

"Ughhh." Vegeta stormed off down the hallway in rush.

Goku rolled his eyes and went to his own room. _Why is Vegeta so hard to read? Damnit! I wish I could just figure him out already._ Goku slammed his door and plopped on his bed.

* * *

It had been two weeks. Two weeks since that stupid kiss, and only a week since that embrace Vegeta had shared with Goku. The whole ordeal was wracking his brain. It bothered him so much that nothing else filled his mind. It was all Goku, Goku, Goku. Over and over like a broken record. In such time, he'd had a horrid attitude. It was the only way he could safely hide his feelings. In all honesty, he didn't know exactly what he was feeling for Goku. His emotions were limited. He knew basic names, but not what the emotion felt like. All Vegeta could do was describe what he was feeling as a strong need to be around Goku. Other than that he was at a loss for what else he was experiencing.

As far as allowing Goku into the deep dark abyss that was his mind, he feared most. The things Vegeta harboured, let alone his unknown and peculiar feelings, would surly scare the younger saiyan. Goku would know exactly what was going on in Vegeta's head and possibly bring him some closure. Then he'd know what was going on in his head. Still though, why was Vegeta so different from anyone else Goku had lived with? He'd lived with his family, known ChiChi longer, yet he had some sort of connection with Vegeta? Just from living with him for almost three months? Vegeta grunted as he put the rest of the dishes away from dinner.

Goku spent most of his time in his room. He only ever came out when he smelled food or was having a panic attack. His attacks came in intervals. They usually happened around the same time every day. Vegeta would do his best to calm Goku down, but sometimes Goku wouldn't even allow Vegeta to touch him, even though he claimed that Vegeta's touch didn't hurt him like everyone else's. Goku stayed away from Vegeta, which made him even more nervous to tell Goku about his feelings. If anyone would understand, Goku would. But Vegeta's feelings, they all pointed that Vegeta had some sort of fetish for him. Like he wanted to be with Goku in more ways than just rivals let alone friends. Perhaps that's what scared Vegeta. The thought that he might care about someone else besides himself. Sure he cared about his son and Bulma, but not to the extent he did for Goku. Normally, the thought would usually make Vegeta sick, but now it gave him a warm fuzzy feeling, sort of like getting high. It was like Goku was his own personal drug. It made sence, and with Goku around, even though he acted like he was retarted most of the time, everything seemed to come together for the first time in his life. He could finally see clearly, like the grainy filter that was his life, finally got better quality. It certainly was refreshing.

Then he decided, he was never going to get anywhere or help Goku if he didn't approach Goku about this. As much as he'd like to never even mention it ever again, it wasn't like him to hide things.

He walked confidently to Goku's room and opened his door, acting as if Goku didn't need and privacy. Goku was lying on his bed with his back to the door. He was lying in a fettle position shivering in the cold dark room.

"What?" Goku groaned without moving.

"What's wrong with you?" Vegeta asked as he came in and closed the door behind him.

"Nothing." Goku's voice was monotone with a hint of annoyance. "I'm just tired."

Lies. All lies and Vegeta knew that. Over the span of their time together, Vegeta could tell when Goku was lying. Not because Goku was a horrible liar, but every time he did, his right foot twitched.

"Ever since we… hugged… you've been in here and you've started having panic attacks again." Vegeta sat next to him on the bed and looked over him.

"I'm fine Vegeta. I've been controlling my attacks."

"No, you haven't. You come out crying and screaming bloody murder. To make it worse, you won't let me help anymore." Vegeta crossed his arms.

"I… don't come out there… I stay in here." Vegeta could see over Goku's shoulder. His eyebrows were knitted together and the confused look reminded Vegeta of the old, same old Goku.

"You do. Something's wrong Kakarott."

"Do you think I don't know that, Vegeta?" Goku's arms twitched as he hugged himself and tried to fade away into the mattress.

"Then let me help."

"I don't think anyone can help me, Vegeta." Goku looked hopless, which was new for him.

"Is that what's wrong? You think that there is no hope for you?" Vegeta could relate to the way Goku was feeling.

"I don't know.." He stared blankly at the wall.

"Well maybe I can take your mind off it. I need your help with something and it's personal." Vegeta's face got hot.

"Personal?" Goku perked up and sat Indian style across from Vegeta. "Sure!" It was like he really did have a one track mind, he certainly did seem happy about it.

"Yeah…" Vegeta put his hand on his neck nervously. "There's one problem.." He looked at his feet.

"You don't actually want to say it, you'd rather me just sift through your mind?" Goku's eyes gleamed with excitement.

Vegeta only nodded. This could either cause him great embarrassment, or great embarrassment. That's all he was getting out of this. Letting Goku into his head was all the more terrifying. He wasn't even sure how Goku would think. After all, he couldn't read Goku's mind.

Without further hesitation, Vegeta left his mind completely open. He could feel someone else inside. It felt like a light pressure. He knew who it was though. The energy was none other than Goku's.

"You're confused. The feelings you have are nameless in your mind. Who do you feel thins strongly for? I don't think I've ever seen you care so much about another." Goku's face was hopeful. He was genuenly interested in knowing who it was.

"Please just tell me what these things mean!" Vegeta was starting to get agitated. He regretted his idea. He didn't need help. When did he ever need help?

"You do need help, Vegeta. This kind of confusion is the worst."

"As do you, Kakarott." Vegeta sneered at Goku.

"We're not talking about me right now." Goku seemed to ponder his next question. "Scoot closer."

Vegeta flinched. "Why?"

"I'll be able to get a better picture if you just come here." Goku sounded annoyed by Vegeta's disobedience.

Vegeta sighed and scooted closer to the point where their knees were touching. Goku extended his arms and placed his hands on either side of Vegeta's face. Then he pulled Vegeta's face to his own and rested his forehead to Vegeta's. Vegeta flinched at the contact. His heart threatened to pound out of his chest. He tried to fight back all of his thoughts for fear Goku would see them and be freaked out.

"You're worried I'll be afraid of your innermost thoughts. That I'll be freaked out by you. I won't." His eyes were closed. He was concentrating. "Vegeta I can't help you if you don't let me in."

Vegeta groaned loudly and closed his eyes as well.

He immediately entered a trance and he felt utterly connected to Goku. He felt every emotion Goku was feeling at that exact moment. He was happy, happy to be able to help Vegeta. His anxiety was through the roof because of what he did to Tao, he was having a hard time accepting it.

He was in the place he and Goku had spared together. It was his favourite place. Just decollate land with large rocks all around. Little vegetation and the wind was warm as it whipped at his skin. Before him, Goku appeared. He was wearing his usual gi and Vegeta was wearing his training spandex.

"What is this pace?" Vegeta looked around as his surroundings.

"This is where you feel most safe." Goku walked closer. "Mine's my grandpa's house."

"Why are we here? You can't even go outside."

"This is in your mind Vegeta. Think of it as your happy place. We're here because you brought us here." Goku sat on the nearest rock.

Vegeta sat next to him and lent against his legs. "So what now?"

"Well," Goku began, "now we figure out what's going on in that head of yours."

"How?" _This all seems like utter madness._

"I can feel everything you are feeling, as you can me. So whatever you're feeling, think of it and I should be able to tell you what it means and how to fix it."

The first thing that pooped into his mind was how Goku made him feel when he was close. Just lately he was unable to not think about Goku.

"You feel attached to me." It wasn't a question. Goku looked at Vegeta with wide eyes, but he wasn't surprised nor was he creeped out. "I make you feel alive. You feel like you have purpose. This is good, keep going."

Feeling confident, Vegeta thought of the kiss and the embrace. He thought of the happiness and the excitement overwhelmed him. He recalled every detail, even though the kiss was a mere second. The embrace, Vegeta remembered the tingles that went down his spine when Goku touched him. Then his emotions took over. He felt vulnerable and weak. Thinking the way he was, what was he? A pubescent teenager? He reminded himself of his son.

"Why are you so ashamed? You can't help your feelings."

He knew Goku would understand, even so he was afraid of rejection. "I don't know kakarott. I've never felt like this. It feels wrong." Vegeta crossed his arms over his chest and scowled at his shoes.

"Keep going." Goku urged.

"Can we stop? I don't feel right." There was his own anxiety.

"Don't feel that way Vegeta. Would it help if I shared some of mine? They're equally as embarrassing."

"Oh what could you possibly have that's worse than mine? I'm supposed to hate you and here I am having affiliations with you." Vegeta sighed. "It's not like you care about anything I'm feeling for you anyway."

"Why do you think that? I never said anything like that." Goku seemed slightly offended.

"I didn't say you did. It's just how I think." Vegeta confided.

"Just let me show you."

The environment around them changed to Goku's kitchen, the place where they held each other.

"I really wasn't trying to manipulate you. I was confused at first too, but then I remembered why I kissed you."

"Because you knew it'd slow me down enough for you to get to Tao." Vegeta spoke at the ground.

"No," Goku shook his head. "at first I tried to make myself believe that it was only a distraction, but deep down I knew what it actually meant. I started having feelings for you back when you first came here. I'd find myself admiring you for no reason except that I thought you were amazing looking. Then I kissed you and found myself wanting to hold you all the time. It certainly is a peculiar feeling. It felt natural though. I think that's why I can get into your mind so easily. We were able to connect because of our traumas." Goku wasn't embarrassed. He'd already accepted his feelings.

"Then why can't I get into yours?" Vegeta questioned. He couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of belonging.

"You can. You just haven't concentrated enough."

"What's been bothering you the last few days?" Vegeta looked into Goku's eyes.

"Confusion. I thought if I stayed away from you, I could get rid of the feelings because I didn't think you felt them back. I figured I could save myself the misery." Goku sighed. "As you can see, they never went away. Being away from you gave me more time to think then I started seeing Tao again. You keep my mind occupied on the future instead of the past."

Vegeta became frustrated again and he grabbed his head. "What does all this mean? It is pointless if we're both broken!"

"Vegeta, that's what I'm saying. We distract each other. I feel like I can do anything as long as you're with me and I feel that you're the same way. We can cure each other. That's what I was trying to say when you first came here."

Vegeta could sense that Goku's words had a deeper meaning but he was too confused to think about it. "Stop beating around the bush Kakarott and spit it out!"

"I'm saying that I think we should think about having a relationship."

Vegeta looked at Goku with his mouth open. "You mean an _intimate_ relationship?"

"Y-yes…" Now Goku was embarrassed. "I feel like this is escalating quickly. Id this escalating quickly?"

It was weird seeing Goku so nervous. It was even weirder that he wanted a relationship with him, especially _that_ kind of relationship. Why was Vegeta even considering this? Was he mad? Saiyan's were permitted any mate, male or female, it was all the same. The Prince, the Prince was supposed to mate with a higher class, not a third class. Then he thought, did it really matter? He wasn't home. He didn't have other saiyans around to judge him. Not that he wouldn't kill them for doing so. He looked over at Goku who seemed to still be rambling on. Luckily he wasn't paying attention to what was going through Vegeta's mind.

How exactly did he get here? For years he was tormented non-stop and now, everything he thought about revolved around Goku. Why? Why not sooner? Was it just because he wouldn't allow himself the thoughts? Why did he now? What exactly changed about him that made him think this way?

The questions spun endlessly in his mind while Goku continued to babble like an idiot. He closed his eyes again and appeared back on Goku's bed. Goku lent away and looked at Vegeta with a confused expression.

"I'm sorry," Vegeta began. "I left while you were talking. I sort of got lost in my own thoughts."

"It's fine." Goku ran his hands over his face. "I'm pretty sure I was just rambling about irrelevant stuff anyway."

"I know I didn't say anything about your suggestion." Vegeta attempted to read Goku's eyes. Goku looked at his hands nervously and picked at his nails. "I'm not good… with relationships. Nor am I good for you. I'm broken."

"We can help each other." Goku must've really wanted it to happen.

"You can't fix me Kakarott."

"I said help. Not fix. You don't _fix_ someone. You help them." Goku's face turned serious. Like he was preparing himself for a big battle.

Vegeta sighed. It wasn't that he didn't want what Goku did, he just wasn't cut out for that kind of life style. Hence the reason he wasn't involved in any kind of relationship with Bulma. They basically only used each other for sex. Clearly that wasn't what Goku was aiming for. "This is really a case of _it's not you it's me._ "

"Of course it is." Goku turned away and stood from his bed. "Remember I was in your mind. I know how you feel." He glared back at Vegeta with accusing eyes.

"I'm not denying anything, Kakarott." Vegeta stayed seated on the bed.

"You're trying to."

"Well I wouldn't have brought it up if you were going to put me on your shit list." Vegeta turned and fell into Goku's mattress.

The silence felt like it ebbed on for hours. Eventually Goku laid down beside Vegeta and stared at the ceiling.

"I'm not mad. Just confused." Goku finally broke the silence.

Vegeta stayed quiet and concentrated on the patterns his vision created on the ceiling.

"No comment?" Goku turned his head to look at Vegeta.

"I don't know." Vegeta closed his eyes.

"Look," Goku sat up and rested his head on his palm. "I'm not going to try and push anything on you. But you and I both know the feelings are there. You can try and fight them all you want. I still think, that even though we aren't going any farther than whatever the fuck this is, we should still try and help each other. Our illnesses are clearly much deeper than a human's, so we have to rely on each other for help." Goku got up and walked out of the room.

Vegeta wasn't fighting anything anymore. All fighting did was push him deeper into denial. He'd finally accepted whatever feelings he had for Goku. Fighting them just made them stronger. He rolled over so his back was facing the door and closed his eyes. All this mushy shit was giving his a headache and he wasn't keen on dealing with it. Sleep took over his body and he drifted into oblivion.


	7. Changes

**A/N:** Sorry this took so long... I had a major readers block _ I really enjoyed writing this chapter lol you'll see why. :) Anyway, I don't have a beta reader or anything so I apologise for misspellings or grammatical errors. Anyway hope you enjoy :p

* * *

They didn't talk about it. Vegeta didn't acknowledge the night before nor did he give Goku a straight answer. Vegeta went about his day in an orderly fashion, avoiding Goku at all costs. Goku couldn't help but feel like he'd made the whole situation strange. They both had wives and Vegeta never seemed to show affection for anyone else, or anything for that matter. To make it worse, as much as Vegeta tried to not make it obvious that he was avoiding Goku, he was pretty bad at acting. Every time Goku would enter a room that Vegeta was in, he'd leave immediately. He didn't seem to care about the kind of mental connection they had the night before. Let alone the physical one.

Then again, Goku knew that Vegeta cared deeply for the connection they had. It was prevalent in his mind. Goku wasn't so keen on the idea any more either. It took him a day or so to realise that he had a wife and children. A wife that loved him more than life itself. The guilt took over him. He began to feel guilty to even think about Vegeta, let alone the unholy thoughts he mustered deep in the night. There was no doubt in his mind that he was sexually attracted to Vegeta. Unfortunately for him, it was obvious. He'd be sitting at the table, minding his own, then his thoughts of Vegeta would invade his mind. Then he'd end up with an awkward boner and be forced to take care of it. He'd never been very sexual. Not even with ChiChi. They'd only ever done anything when she wanted to and even then he wasn't interested.

Vegeta came storming through the hall way. He had his phone pressed to his ear. He looked worried. Beyond worried actually. Goku could hear the voice on the other line. It was Bulma, as always, and even she seemed distressed. Vegeta swung into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee.

"Vegeta," Goku called but Vegeta just looked at him and continued to listen to Bulma. "what's wrong?"

"Alright, I'll be there." Vegeta hung up the phone and sat next to Goku.

Goku continued to look at him with curious eyes. The worry lines on Vegeta's face seemed to deepen with each passing second.

"Vegeta?"

"Trunks is in the hospital." His voice was monotone.

"What? Why? Is he okay?" Goku watched Vegeta's mouth twitch.

"He's getting surgery."

"For what?" Goku's voice cracked like a prepubescent teen. "We need to go there! Now!"

"Kakarott, will you shut up! You know we can't leave!"

"I can IT us there! I think I am strong enough to get us all the way there. I can sense his energy." Goku stood quickly. "What is he having surgery for?"

Vegeta sighed, annoyed. "He's had a brain tumour since he was a child, the doctors said it wasn't growing so he might have been able to live with it for his entire life. I guess it started growing in the past month and they were getting worried." He ignored the idea of going to see him. "He very well could die." Vegeta's voice became quiet and small.

"We need to go, Vegeta. You know we do." Goku sat back down closer to Vegeta and looked over his face.

"I know, Kakarott." I can't get there by myself and you'll go into a full panic attack." Vegeta now eased his back in defeat.

"Well not if I…" Goku's voice became inaudible.

"Kakarott, please. If you have any type of idea on how I can see my son, just fucking say it."

"If I… hold your hand… I should be okay." Goku pushed his pointer fingers back and forth.

"You're certain that will keep you from going nuts?" Vegeta made eye contact with Goku. He seemed to be willing to do whatever he could to see his son.

"I really think so." Goku's heart pounded in his chest.

"Let's test it." He stood and walked to the door. "Come here." He ordered Goku. Goku stood and walked to Vegeta obediently. Vegeta opened the door and stood just inside the door. "Go out."

"I can't-"

"Just go, Kakarott." Vegeta wasn't hearing any of Goku's excuses.

Goku took a deep breath and stepped outside. The crisp winter air whipped at his skin. At first, he thought he was okay, but then everything started going black. His mind started to spin. He began to get so anxious that his whole body started to shake and a panic attack wasn't far behind. The paranoia etched away at his composure. Every little noise made him jump. His heartbeat and breathing quickened.

"Vegetaaa!" Goku cried as the tears began to fall. "I can't do it. I can't-"

Before he could say another word, he felt Vegeta's firm hand wrap around his. He turned to look beside him and there he was. Vegeta was standing beside him looking straight ahead. Goku took another deep breath. He tightened his grip on Vegeta's hand. Just like that, he became tranquil. Everything suddenly became brighter.

"I guess you were right." Vegeta kept his gaze straight ahead. "Do you need this the entire time?"

"Yes…" Goku's voice was small again and his face was red and he felt the butterflies in his stomach flutter just at the thought of Vegeta's hand around his.

"Don't be embarrassed." Vegeta looked up at him. His cheeks were also flushed red. "This is actually calming me as well."

Goku smiled like an idiot and blushed harder.

"Let's go."

With that, Goku pressed his fingers to his head for the first time in months.

The pair appeared in front of the Harrold Sheppard Memorial Hospital. Vegeta clenched Goku's hand as they walked in the front doors. Goku hadn't realised that it was the same hospital he'd killed Tao. Vegeta drug Goku to the front counter and asked what room Trunks was in. 402, top floor, ICU. Most of the people that passed them gave them disgusted looks. Goku felt singled out and like he was being bad.

"Kakarott, stop looking like a scolded puppy." Vegeta released Goku's hand and switched their hands so their fingers were laced. A woman looked at them disgusted and whispered to her friend. Vegeta must have herd them because he pulled Goku over to her. "Excuse me ma'am." She turned to look at them.

"Yes?"

"Do you have a problem?"

She looked at him with a confused look. "I'm sorry?"

"You should be. I didn't know coming to the hospital with my friend who has horrible social anxiety and needs to have his hand held would cause such a fuss." He placed his free hand on his hip.

"I didn't say anythi-"

"Bullshit, I heard what you said to your friend, don't play me like a fool." Vegeta was irate. "Would you be so kind as to repeat it so my friend can hear?"

She stood up straight and confident. "I said, look at those two faggots over there. I don't want to be in the same room as them."

Goku's face became white. He felt disgusting himself. How could people be so rude? They weren't even a couple. He felt like he could break down and cry right in the middle of the hospital. Vegeta looked at him. He searched Goku's face and mind, since they had the mental connection now, Vegeta felt what Goku was feeling. Then Goku felt Vegeta's rage, and it was overwhelming.

"Listen here, bitch. Who are you to judge? Are you 'Jesus'? No. Far from it. I'll have you know, we are not together. I am his moral support so we can see my dying son. You are the bane of this planet. You should be ashamed of yourself. Judging without knowing anything. I hope you have a gay son so you know how much pain they go through just to be accepted. I should slap you." Vegeta gripped Goku's hand harder and whipped Goku around so they were facing each other.

At this point, Goku was so confused he could barely think straight. All he knew it that he felt like a pile of rotten dog shit.

Vegeta looked at the woman again with an angry scowl and turned to face Goku again. He grabbed the back of Goku's neck and pressed his lips to Goku's. Before Goku could even react, Vegeta had plunged his tongue into Goku's mouth. Goku was shocked and he was unsure how to feel. Vegeta backed off and looked at the woman again.

"There, we're a fucking couple now. Fucking deal with it." He gripped Goku's hand harder and led him away. "Come Kakarott, let's leave these whores to their slutty ways."

Goku was still awestruck. That kiss was the most amazing thing he'd ever done, even though it was filled with so much anger. Not only was that amazing kiss filling his brain, but were he and Vegeta _really_ dating?

"No." Goku forgot that Vegeta could now hear his every thought. "I was trying to prove a point."

"Oh." Goku hung his head slightly.

"Don't be so glum. Maybe someday, Kakarott."

They walked hand in hand in silence until they reached room 402. Vegeta opened the door for them both. Upon entering, Bulma was sitting next to the sleeping Trunks, along with Goten holding his hand.

"Dad!" Goten exclaimed. He remained seated but kept a smile.

"Hey Son."

"Goku!" Bulma got up and went to him for a hug. He hugged her with his free hand while gripping Vegeta harder. She pulled away and looked at him with a weird look. She looked him over then stared at Goku's held hand. She gave Vegeta a scoulding look, then looked ta Goku again. "You look better! How's your anxiety?"

"Uh, a little better. A lot better with Vegeta around." Goku looked at Vegeta fondly, but Vegeta remained looking at Trunks.

"That's what I thought would happen. Vegeta, are you feeling any better?"

"Yeah, is Trunks okay? Why is Goten obsessing over him?"

"Oh yeah, about that… Trunks and Goten are kinda dating." She flinched slightly expecting Vegeta to become enraged.

"He better not hurt him or I'll snap his neck." Vegeta said as he walked over to Trunks. Bulma stood with her mouth open in awe. She clearly didn't expect Vegeta to react so calmly to her news. Vegeta sat next to Trunks and Goku kneeled beside him because of the lack of chairs. Their hand position was awkward but Goku didn't mind. He was just happy to be holding Vegeta's hand."How's he doing?" Vegeta asked Goten.

"They have him on a mild sensitive for the pain. He's been having a lot of headaches lately." Goten rubbed Trunks' hand rhythmically.

* * *

Vegeta grabbed Trunk's other hand. An hour or so passed and Goku and Goten had fallen asleep with their heads resting on the edge of the bed. He still kept Vegeta's hand clenched tightly in his. Vegeta watched Bulma as she typed angrily on her phone.

"Why are you so angry?" Vegeta asked in a low voice.

"It's no very considerate to date the broken ones. They become consumed. I thought maybe that's what was going on with you. That's why I didn't demand we have sex." She crossed her arms and sat back in the chair.

"We're not... It's not what you're thinking."

"Well by the way he's clenching your hand, I'd say otherwise." Bulma looked at him again with a scolding look. "You may have temporally fixed him, but it always comes back. You should know that better than anyone."

"Bulma, please." Vegeta tried to talk but she kept going.

"I guess I was the dumb one for thinking you actually love me. All those times you'd protect me and the way you'd fuck my brains out. I should have known something was a little off with you, but I never expected you to be gay. Especially with someone to portray to hate." She looked at her hands as if to ponder her next words. "I texted Chichi and told her Goku was here. She'd been wanted to see him. I'd rather her find out about the adultery so she can heal."

"You did what?!" Vegeta became enraged. Seeing Goten was enough, Chichi would send him spiralling. Vegeta stood quickly, pulling Goku up. "We are not fucking! We aren't not committing adultery! We are holding hands because this was the only was we can stay calm and actually leave the fucking house! But no, you didn't ask about that. You just kept on assuming. If you really cared about Kakarott and his well-being, you wouldn't do things to make it worse. Fuck you Bulma." Vegeta ripped Goku away from the bed and rushed out of the room.

"Vegeta! What's going on?" Goku kept up the pace.

"Your wife is going to be here any moment. Stay close and keep your grip in case you see her. This is not the time or place for you to be seeing her." Vegeta's face was red with anger.

"Well I dunno Vegeta, I handled Goten pretty well, maybe I can see her." Goku wanted to see her.

"Can you release my hand without freaking the fuck out?" Vegeta stopped running and turned to look at Goku. Goku looked at him in bewilderment.

"No.." He said with a frown.

"Then she is going to think you're cheating on her with another man and she'll freak out, sending you and all the work we've done, right back to the beginning." Vegeta saw the disappointment in his eyes and sighed. "Listen to me, you will get to see her. You'll get better. You and I know that if she saw you, she'd think you're cured and would insist on moving back in. She'd expect the 'old' Goku back. Would she get him?" Vegeta knew he had a point, and he knew Goku knew it too.

Goku shook his head. Vegeta sighed again and continued to run.

Just as they were on the home stretch to the main doors, Chichi walked through them and walked up to the receptionist desk. They were in the wide open. Vegeta froze in his tracks and Goku seemed to breathe heavier.

"Vegeta you were right I can't handle this yet."

Vegeta stood in silence.

"Vegeta help, please she's coming."

Vegeta watched as she learned the room number and turned to get on the elevator. She seemed to turn in slow motion as she made direct eye contact with him, then with the trembling Goku cowering just behind him. A wide happy smile slid across her face as she ran up to them. Vegeta turned to Goku quickly.

"I'm so sorry for this." Vegeta whispered. Goku looked at him, confused, then his expression became broken. He paled in an instant. Vegeta had ripped his hand from Goku's leaving him in pieces. Vegeta had a half an hour before he'd lose it. Enough time to show Chichi that Goku was still broken. Vegeta backed away slowly as Chichi warped herself in his body.

* * *

Goku was in utter shock. He stood in front of Vegeta staring at his empty hands as his wife hugged and cried into his shoulder. In that moment, Goku felt absolutely nothing but panicked fear. The two didn't mix well because his body felt like white noise. Suddenly, the realisation that he was in the same hospital where he'd killed Tao sunk into his panicked brain. Tao. Tao. Tao. Tao. Tao. The name caved itself into his brain. Everything started to turn back. He could see Vegeta standing front of him just staring. The more he tried to concentrate on Vegeta's face, the more he started to look like Tao. Chichi's body started to feel like a thousand bee stings on his skin. He screamed in pure agony. Soon, Tao was everywhere. Every direction he looked, Tao was coming closer to him. He turned and tried to run, but several Tao's wrapped their arms around him and tried to bring him to the ground. He punched, kicked and screamed as hard as he could.

" N!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. Soon he was tackled to the ground. He closed his eyes and prepared himself for what was next.

"Okay off! Everyone off! I've got this." Goku heard a familiar voice. A voice that wasn't Tao's. He still didn't open his eyes. "I told you he wasn't well yet. No there's no need for drugs. I'll handle it." Goku felt familiar hands on his face. Hands that didn't hurt. "Kakarott, come we can leave now." _Vegeta?_

Goku opened his eyes to find Vegeta on top of him. He closed his eyes again. He was so tired all the sudden. He felt Vegeta put his arms underneath his neck and knees.

He opened his eyes again to the sound of loud traffic and people talking.

* * *

Vegeta nearly didn't make it home. Carrying Goku was different from holding his hand. He felt entirely guilty for letting Goku spaz out in front of all those people. He wasn't even sure Goku would forgive him. Vegeta sat on his side of the bed as he watched Goku sleep. The only upside to this, was at least now Chichi and Bulma would back the fuck off.

Vegeta kept his gaze on Goku's chest, watching it rise and fall. Goku came to with a pained expression. He looked up at Vegeta with disgust.

"You probably have a head ache. Here, I knew this would happen. Always did to me." He handed Goku two ibuprofen and a glass of cold water. Goku took them then sat up with his back to Vegeta. "Know what you're thinking."

"Oh do _you_?" Goku's voice was hoarse.

"I did it because I needed to Chichi to see that you're still not you."

"Not me?!" Goku chuckled. "This is who I am now! The old Goku died a long time ago."

"Kakarott," Vegeta tried to sooth him but he was on a rant.

"All this time I was trying to 'fix' myself. And for what? My wife? Someone I can't even be around?! I can't be _fixed_. I'm forever trapped in a body that isn't mine! There is no fix! I was so naive to believe that I could be even remotely normal again. I'm so tired of living up to everyone's expectations of me. I'm tired of pretending I care. I'm tired of being a _fucking_ push over!" He turned around completely to face Vegeta. Vegeta couldn't even decipher what was going on in Goku's head. It was big jumble of a billion thoughts. "You know what? I'm tired of being unhappy! I've been unhappy with that woman since Gohan was born! Yet I had ANOTEHR child with that incessant woman! I'm so tired of her bossing me around like I'm her fucking child! I am a grown man! I'm a SAIYAN. I could crush her with a single punch! But you know what?! I don't! Why? Good question, IT FUCKING BEATS ME! APPARENATLY NOTHING DOES BUT THAT QUESTION DOES." Goku paused and took a breath.

"Okay, that's enough. Calm down before a heart attack beats you next." Vegeta sized Goku up with a proud side smile.

Goku shook his head in anger before realising Vegeta was eyeing him. "What?"

"Nothing... It's just, I never heard you say you were a saiyan with so much pride before." Vegeta smiled sheepishly then averted his eyes to his lap.

Vegeta heard Goku groan loudly, then his face was directly beside Vegeta's. Goku's hot breath engulfed his ear, sending tickles all down his spine. "Did that turn you on, Vegeta?" Part of him wanted to punch Goku right in the head, but the other half was fully turned on. Vegeta turned to look at him with a shocked expression, but Goku was closer now. Mere inches from Vegeta's face.

Goku slid forward quickly, meeting Vegeta's lips in a rapid motion. Their lips tangled and twisted, not showing signs of tiring. Vegeta ran his hands up the back of Goku's skull, grabbing a fist full of hair and pulling. Goku's head went back as a moan escaped his lips. Vegeta hair stood as the sound echoed in his ears. Goku must've saw the content on his face, because he narrowed his eyes and bit his lip in a sexy way. Vegeta thought he was going to disintegrate right there. Never had anyone looked at him like that. Goku smashed his lips to Vegeta's again only this time as he pulled back, he grabbed onto Vegeta's lip. Vegeta pressed himself against Goku's muscular body letting his arousal become apparent. Goku smiled into Vegeta's neck. Goku slid his hands beneath Vegeta's butt and slammed him down on the bed like a rabid animal. He attacked Vegeta's neck and slid down his chest and stomach with his tongue.

Goku put one finger under Vegeta's jeans and tore them off with literally just **one** finger. Vegeta stared down at the tent in his underwear with uncertainty. Goku looked up and him and saw his worry. Goku slowly came up Vegeta's body.

"Don't worry, I've seen and had enough to know what feels good. Trust me." He kissed Vegeta one last time before returning to where he was.

Goku pulled the grey boxers down Vegeta's legs and threw them behind him. He gently ran his tongue along Vegeta's shaft. Vegeta squirmed beneath him. With one solid gulp, Goku put Vegeta's entire member down his throat. Vegeta let out a loud gasp that strung into a moan. He quickly covered his mouth. He didn't know how much longer he'd last. That was the best blow job he'd ever had. He couldn't believe that is was _Kakarott_ down there. The thought of Kakarott made it worse. Before any more thinking could occur, Vegeta released with a loud moan. He looked at Goku quickly. Goku came up with some still on his lip. He kissed Vegeta so deeply, Vegeta nearly went again.

Goku picked Vegeta up and flipped him over as he ran his tongue down Vegeta's back. Vegeta's hair stood again.

"Now from what I've read, this may hurt a little. But I'm sure you can handle it." Goku whispered in his ear.

"This isn't my first rodeo, Kakarott. If it was you certainly wouldn't be top." Vegeta scoffed.

"Well then," Goku's voice was like velvet. "enjoy yourself."

Goku spit in his hands and rubbed himself, then he positioned himself. He pressed gently at first, but the warmth and pressure took over. He entered Vegeta with slight haste. Vegeta moaned uncontrollably. Goku went faster to keep in pace with Vegeta's moans. He could feel himself nearing, but it needed something else. Without thinking, he ascended to ssj. The power filled his veins and it felt amazing. Everything was bigger, and Vegeta didn't protest.

"Holy...fuck. Did you just get bigger?" Vegeta put his face in the pillow.

Goku just smirked.

* * *

Two whole hours later, they were done and Goku was lying beside Vegeta covered in sweat. That was the most amazing sex he ever had, and he planned on doing it again and again. By the content look on Vegeta's face, he was up for it too. He'd never been able to go ssj with Chichi. She was weak, and now he finally had a partner that could take every ounce of power he had. He smiled to himself. Oh the different forms he could try.

He didn't even notice he could transform again.


End file.
